I am The Aphrodisiac

I just realized...

2011-03-07T22:19:00.002+08:00

Why is it that when I find someone who is close to my ideal type... and we start this great conversation... and then suddenly, maybe because of my enthusiasm or the awkward feeling we get when we meet face-to-face... he just ups and leaves without a trace?

All men are the same I guess... local and overseas...

Guess if they're not into you, the universal code to tell girls they are not THAT interested is to make yourself disappear.

This always happens.

So what now? I find someone who I'm not that into and end up with the same fate like with me and Ian? Eventually fall out of love?

I'm just sad. Feeling this familiar feeling of silent rejection over and over again.

I guess they think they are being a 'gentleman' by keeping their distance, rather than telling the girl in their face to back off.

Sucks.

In awe...

2011-01-23T23:00:00.004+08:00

This group is known as Perfume. Currently, they are one of the most popular mainstream pop artists in Japan. Just last year, they have managed to achieve every Japanese performing artiste's dream: to perform at Tokyo Dome - where 55,000 people join as one to listen to your music.

However, they only got to this point after 10 years of working their way up the ladder. They began as a nobody. Their initial live performances only attracted less than 20 people. And they had to promote their songs with confined spaces allocated to then. Let me show you example...

They went on like this for quite a while... try more than 5 years a while... But you know, thanks to a few good Samaritans who promoted their music during their radio programs, internet and their never-ending perseverance... their audience grew larger and larger... this is them singing the same song but this time... spot the difference...

And finally last year... Tokyo dome... by the way, you don't have to listen to the song... just check out the differences in their fan bases as time went by...

I truly respect them and that is why I am proud to be their fan... even though some people may regard their music as 'noise', I still like them AND their music no matter what... Heard that they will be taking on the challenge of writing their own songs... I wish them all the best!

For those who are curious about the song title:
Perfume - Electro World

I did it...

2011-01-23T21:15:00.003+08:00

I actually did it... I went on the search engine... typed 'muslim tour package japan'... clicked on a couple of muslim travel agency... picked one that had japan in it... browsed through photos of the previous tour group who went to Japan... and just seeing them wearing the 'kimono-like' clothes that you have to wear in their hot springs made my heart flutter... I mean I've only seen these things happening in Japan Hour on Channel News Asia... but to think that I could be actually wearing those things just got me excited!

So I asked permission... got the approval... booked reservation online...

And now all I have to do is to wait for further details/confirmation...

Insyallah if everything goes as planned... i could be leaving for Tokyo, Japan on 11 March 2011...

How swell is that...?

I guess I will reserve Hokkaido for my honeymoon...

I just pray that everything falls into place for this trip... insyallah...

Knock Knock?

2011-01-11T22:21:00.004+08:00

Hello anybody there?

Oh man it's been ages since I last updated this thing I supposedly call a blog... each time i get home from work... it's all about keeping myself updated with JPop or KPop entertainment news and variety shows... i just got lazy i guess...

So how's work Mirah?

My reply will always be "It's OK"

Not that bad... not that great either...

Everyday, there is always one human being or happening that never fails to bring my spirits down, no matter how positive i am...

But hey, that's like isn't it? So who am I to complain about certain things when deep down i know people out there have it much worse... but still don't i have a right to complain?

I don't say anything... just keep it all in while i still can...

So who is making me happy these days? These guys...

Yes, EITO RANGER!!! Hahahaha... Their skits during live concerts are hilarious...

Honestly I'm embarrassed to say out loud in public that I'm a fan of certain idol groups... because you know how crazy hardcore fan girls can be... i just don't want to be viewed like that physically... like i don't mind telling but don't spread it to the world that I like this person... it just makes me retract back into my shell more...

F.Y.I. only...

Anyway...

Ryo-chan! You may be a simple-looking, superficial, honest, bratty issue maker... But seeing your face is my energy pill... it gets me through the day really... hope you yourself your dream girl who looks like a mannequin and can cook simple, tasty dishes everyday... I may get jealous the first few days if you do find one... but then again, i'll be happy because you are happy...

Your fan always!
Amirah K.

*My dad actually doesn't mind his future grandchildren calling him Datuk K!

What is my Ideal Guy?

2010-06-20T00:29:00.002+08:00

I seriously thought about it today...

Like I know i have my own list of what features my ideal guy would be like...
1) Tall
2) Look good in specs
3) Short hair
4) High level of tolerance
5) Humorous
6) Nice, deep voice
7) Knows what he wants and is doing something about it

etc...

But can such a person get a love that has all the qualities you put down in your list?

Muri deshou?

Hmmm... because sometimes, the person you least expected may turn out to be your soul mate...

Take my dad and mum... they were classmates in school... never had any affectionate feelings for each other... but after NS, my dad gave my mum a call asking her help to borrow a book... and the rest is history...

Just like that... even my dad was telling me, "I never expected to be with your mum... So funny"

Then also, I don't trust myself either. I think ever since I have been played out by my first love... I have this mentality that if anything should go wrong, I will not be in the position that is the victim... I don't know how to explain...

Somehow i also find that I easily lose interest in the process of building a relationship... i get lazy... which is very bad...

Papa's Words

2010-05-24T20:00:00.003+08:00

Me:
Papa, i don't know what I want to do... a job that coincides with my qualification, a job that is of my interest or a job that pays... I have even considered air stewardess you know...

Papa:
You just do whatever you want... I think air stewardess is not all about pleasing the captain and doing extra services... They provide a service to passengers up there...You can also consider being a prison officer... the pay is good... and they even... (continues talking about the benefits of being a rehabilitative officer)

As he was talking, i could not be any happier. Finally the one person who could bring ease to this troubling mind of mine... my dear father... his words were simple, yet overflowing with support - the feeling of opening my options and steering me in some possible directions...

Papa... you may be annoying occasionally... but i do not know any other adult who can speak logic and sense like you do... :)

Love you.

Johor Bahru Escapade w/ Papa

2010-05-23T19:32:00.002+08:00

So yeah, i decided to go on a date with my dad today... visit our neighbouring country and eat their food for lunch... mwahahahaha! Since I am about 100 ringgit richer down there than in Singapore... :/

Actually it's not as grand as you think it is lah... just went to Larkin to collect my dad's altered baju and then we made our way first to Metrojaya nearby... which had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Considering the lunch was all on me, i did not want to spend it on normal things you can buy any other day (e.g. nasi ambeng)... Seriously they didn't have a Mcdonalds in there...

The K.L. spirit inside of me was awakened again to want to try out an established food chain that is not halal in Singapore...

So heck we decided let's try Johor Bahru City Times Square... but carpark full as hell... they even closed it up!

Last resort: Plaza Pelangi or something like that... Now this place had some nice food places... so my dad recommended we try Nando's... this mexican food chain known for it's flame grilled chicken dishes... I ordered a grilled chicken breast sandwich and it was awesome! The bread they used especially... it was crisp and soft at the same time! There's just no way it is possible!!

Then I treated myself to a berries mcflurry (which turned out to be a larger serving of strawberry sundae)...

So another food adventure from yours truly!

Best part of it all, i enjoyed having the father-daughter talks with my dad about my job options and having our own 'moments' while music of Queen was blasting through the car speakers...

Bbyong! ~

The Fan-Girl In Me Materializing Again...

2010-05-21T11:12:00.003+08:00

Your best K8 match is: Nishikido Ryo!
Take Which Kanjani8 member are you most compatible with? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

Congratulations! Your K8 love match is the sarcastic yet unexpectedly sweet Nishikido Ryo!

Ryo is a hard guy to pin down. At first glance he seems cool and a little mean. It's not uncommon to hear his juniors refer to him as "scary". However, once you get to know him, it starts to become obvious that Ryo's sharp tongue is nothing more than a poor cover up for the soft hearted shy person that lies inside. Yes Ryo is very shy and probably even a little insecure, so if you're his girlfriend you're probably going to find yourself taking the initiative more often if you want to actually get anywhere in this relationship. That being said, once Ryo is sure he adores you (and that you adore him back) he will more than likely shower you with affection of all kinds. Yes Ryo Mr Cool Idol is in fact a hopeless romantic at heart. And also a lot more talkative and playful than his sometimes too severe and very quiet outer appearance lets on. In fact Ryo is a big goofy dork at heart. Chances are if Ryo decides you're "the one" you're going to really know it. He'll cling to you like a lost puppy and act like a total fool around you. While Ryo can be sweet he's also busy. Very busy. Ryo loves to work and be active. He's a guy who likes living the fast and exciting life. You're going to have to be very understanding of this, or better yet, enjoy it too. Though it may be difficult to see him too often, you'll make sure every moment counts. A true match!

T.G.I.F?

2010-05-21T10:28:00.002+08:00

And just like that another week has passed me by...

So recently I've been doing this temp job for MOE... being a research assistant on Project FLAir... basically going to different primary and administering reading and oral tests for selected children... Wow, can you imagine that I have to repeat this very sentence many times to different teachers and security guards!

I was even mistaken for a mother looking for a teacher! By a security guard of course... I was like "Waaaaa... I'm still young!" Believe it or not, I kept pointing at my face while saying this...

But in retrospect, at my age nowadays, it's no surprise if people ask you if you have a kid or not... like now is the generation to find that special someone and settle down you know... and when I say generation, I mean in terms of age of course... not like the year 2010 or whatever... catch my drift...

But who annoyed me at that point of time was not the security guard... instead there was a pakcik nearby saying, "Yelah kalau tak cakap kite tak tahu!" and he said it like twice... you know in the typical-pakcik-tone-of-voice... I mean once is enough lah... and I was joking anyway... chill-lax old man... Telling me twice proves what for you?

So later I will be going to Bukit Panjang Primary School to assess 4 children... then after maybe I shall make a grand comeback to the gym?? Hahahaha! It's been a month or so man... i don't know if i can still lift them weights and do them crunches!!

One thing's for sure... i do not want to do body measurements... I'm sure the fat percentage has gone up... and whatever measurements decreased have gone way up again... knowing all this does not really help my self esteem.... much...

I desperately I could take this exercise thing seriously... I guess deep down, I want immediate results... guess that's my downfall... and the discipline to keep going is damn hard...

Ugh I blame South Korean girl groups... :( They make it seem that their appearance is the norm...

Omedetou Zahedah!

2010-03-28T21:25:00.003+08:00

Congrats to my ex-poly mate Zahedah on her engagement... Officially all my poly mates who live in the east are all engaged and will most probably be married by the time I am 25 or something...

I don't know but I felt happy watching the mak andam beautifying my friend... It was like woah... it has come to the point of time whereby all of us are going into this phase of our lives... the marriage phase... sheesh and I don't even have a boyfriend yet...

:(

I will not beat myself up for not doing any assignments over the weekend. I know myself. I will complete the assignments and do a good job at it. There. Now I feel a weeeeee bit better.

I'm a rebel!

2010-03-23T21:20:00.002+08:00

Hahaha! Woah like totally skipped afternoon class today... after signing attendance terus cabut! But seriously i could not stand sitting in class for another 3 hours after spending the entire morning doing the playground thingy... i promise to show up for the rest of the classes... just not today... :) Yaku soku!

But anyway, this isn't the first time i have skipped class... so yeah... not saying I'm a pro but I'm no stranger to this skipping class act either... hehehe... but i guess when you are not the seasoned class-skippers.. the guilty conscience tends to take over sometimes... but heck care lah! I got to enjoy tv time and most importantly NAP TIME!! My oh so beloved nap time...

I completely skipped gym last week... woooo what a rebel! But seriously lah... with all the assignments piling up, its already hard for a person like me to loves to procrastinate to get into the right state of mind...

Can you believe it though... excluding this week... there are 2 more weeks to go... before i am done my with degree studies... already i have some job offers in place... but i do not know if i am going to pursue any of them... but a person like me should not be too complacent right? But i want to get into something i know i will enjoy doing... i do not want to give up half-way... i can't afford to...

Haish... lucky Gaki no Tsukai & my Haruma Miura is relaxing my tensed mind full of these kind of worries...

Haruma Miura!!!

*screaaammmmssssss* (fan-girling at 22, so not cool but i don't give a damn!)

Embarrassing can...

2010-03-19T22:09:00.003+08:00

I do not know what was wrong with me... so this afternoon I was doing this group assignment with Syaf... but before I could get my brain juices to work, I needed to pee oh so badly... Here's the thing... the female toilets on the 5th level of the block where my classes are usually located are the extreme end of the corridor... for me and Syaf, we went down to the 4th level to do our work... so when I went to the toilet at the extreme end of this level, I assumed it was the same as the 5th floor...

So I entered the toilet... the first thing I noticed was there were boys urinals in front... So i guess any person with the very basic common sense would know immediately that it is a Male toilet and not a female toilet!

But not for me... I saw it but it just did not cross my mind that I was in a guys' toilet... the toilet was empty anyway... so I just went to the nearest cubicle and peed... I heard someone else come in... but i thought it was just some other female... so i did my business, came out of the cubicle... and there was a dude at the sink... and then i looked at the guy and the guy looked at me...

And at THAT moment was when i realized that i was in a MALE TOILET! I practically brisk-walked my ass out of the toilet... when I went out, this time I looked at the sign on the door to further confirm if it was a guys toilet... and to my disappointment and embarrassment, the sign did not show a stick figure in a dress..

So i ran to Syaf laughing... Syaf heard my story and she laughed her ass off too... Unfortunately for me, the guy i saw in the toilet came out and walked past us... he smiled at me and asked, "You did that intentionally is it? You never see the urinals ah!" I could only reply, "I saw... but i don't know why.... I'm so sorry! Please don't tell anybody!" He just laughed it off and went back to the office...

Seriously lah... what the heck was I thinking... all i remember was that my mind was completely blank.. all i knew empty toilet = empty cubicles = toilet to myself... I do not know how i could have overlooked the urinals lah... hahaha!

Guess we all have our blur moments... I'm only human right? :)

The 'Black' Concept

2010-03-18T18:26:00.006+08:00

So lately Korean Idol girl groups have been making a comeback with the Black Concept... basically Black = sexy, sultry, an indication that these girls (a handful of which are below 20 or just turned 20) are women... Their music is not bad... it appeals to me but sometimes it makes me wonder the message they are bringing across... yeah sexy dance moves, slightly (or very) revealing stage costumes, heavy make-up and high heels is the definition of a woman-like image (as in no longer the cute, innocent girl) in the music scene? Sheesh... then again, it is just music and it is just a concept...

So girl groups like Kara (top) and T-ara (bottom) are already winning the number one spot with their singles Lupin and I Go Crazy Because of You respectively...

And then you have So Nyu Shi Dae with their single Run Devil Run...

BUT there is one thing that everyone is overlooking and probably forgot due to their year long hiatus from the K-pop scene...

Wonder Girls came out with this concept FIRST! It's kind of sad that the Korean netizens fail to notice this... Haish... i miss watching them perform on Korean music shows... it is after all where they first originated from...

I also miss 2NE1 and most especially Big Bang!!!

Anticipating all their comebacks later in the year!!! Woooo hoooo... :)

Why This Feeling?

2010-03-04T23:45:00.002+08:00

Today I feel like my very existence is insignificant.

I do not know why.

I have yet to figure out what I am going to do after graduation.

I am not really part of any specific clique in school.

I still have my share of insecurities when it comes to my appearance.

I am beginning to lose my motivation to go for dance practice.

Things at home are so-so.

So really... what is my purpose?

Somewhere, somehow... people around me seem to be moving forward, even if it is just a small step...

I still caught in a standstill.

I want to cry. I want to snap at somebody. I want to sleep it off. I want to run away from this...

I know. I tend to think too much. And i have been trying to avoid such thoughts.

Just don't know why especially today... I feel... like this...

Doh-shio? Wakaranai-yo! Cho Muzuka-shi! Hon-tou-ni!

MURI MURI MURI!!!

:(

Blood Types...

2009-11-07T16:03:00.003+08:00

I do not know to what extent this article is true... but somehow, i find my judgement of people's character leaning towards the content of the article...

According to Williams (2009):

Type O:
Type O's are outgoing, and very social. They are initiators, although they don't always finish what they start. Creative and popular, they love to be the center of attention and appear very self confident.

Type A:
While outwardly calm, they have such high standards (perfectionists) that they tend to be balls of nerves on the inside. Type A's are the most artistic of the blood groups. They can be shy, are conscientious, trustworthy, and sensitive.

Type B:
Goal oriented and strong minded, type B's will start a task and continue it until completed, and completed well. Type B's are the individualists of the blood group categories and find their own way in life.

Type AB:
Type AB's are the split personalities of the blood groups. They can be both outgoing and shy, confident and timid. While responsible, too much responsibility will cause a problem. They are trustworthy and like to help others.

Compatability by Blood Groups:
A is most compatible with A and AB

B is most compatible with B and AB

AB is most compatible with AB, B, A and O

O is most compatible with O, and AB

(extracted from http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art22988.asp)

FOR ME:
I am a type A and the desription of my personality is pretty much spot-on... but i am unsure about the artistic part... does my love for dance for under that? Maybe, maybe not... but i do know i have this innate feeling to always wanting to impress people, even a little bit...

I kind of want to try out this theory... including blood type compatibility as a considering factor for my next husband to be... who knows... it may bring me a step closer to my ideal guy...

The timetable...

2009-11-06T11:54:00.002+08:00

So all this while i was under the impression the results of last semester would come out in our Wheelock email... i seriously do not know why i kept thinking that for like the whole of last month... finally decided to check out the Wheelock portal and there it was... and alhamdulilah, i finally obtained my first A... not that good of an A but hey an A is an A... and i got B+ for stats... hmm... must have done careless mistakes here and there... i was really vying for an A for stats especially... since i had studied my ass off for that stupid module... literally had less than 3 hours of sleep because of that module...

And then Wheelock mail had next semester's timetable... just looking at the intensive 6 weeks makes me want to cry... 4 new modules... and for our extension weeks... NO DAY OFF!!! Everyday there is something... how annoying... :(

I am going to sit down with my mom and beg her to bring me to another country for a holiday next month... cannot ah like this... i know i will just die ah next semester!

Ugh... my birthday just passed by like that... but i am really happy that my family went to an eating place of my choice (Fresh Bulgolgi @ Changi Airport) and really... what is a better birthday present than quality family time... though mum was very the annoying the in car... the usual... nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag... gosh... but glad it really simmered down when we were out of the car...

How I wish someone would ask me out today... hmmm... maybe because of the b'day money my grandparents gave me... hehehe...

Ugh the timetable is still on my mind... ya allah help me get through this last leg of my degree programme without having to actually lose my sanity... amin...

A few hours away from turning 21...

2009-11-04T23:16:00.002+08:00

A milestone that most of my friends have already gone through... sheesh... having waited this long... my birthday has become a time of year i don't quite anticipate anymore... NOT as much as when i was much younger...

Oh yea, for those of you who are not informed... i am not working anymore... i know... i did work everyday for like 2 weeks... then after izzah's post b'day celebration on the 2nd week (saturday)... almost all FRINKS got fever, flu and cough after that... on monday of the 3rd working week, my temperature was 39 degrees! So i called them up and told them i could not go to work for 2 days... they called me back and suddenly changed my working schedules to Fridays only... so that left me with 6 days of the week to rest at home...

And simply because of that i lost my momentum to work... and the need to actually REST after studying my ass off for statistics took over me... and thus, i told them i could not work anymore coz i had to take care of my mum... (hmmm this reason is a recycled one f.y.i... hehehehe)...

But hey who told them to suddenly decrease my working days... any-who, i have been enjoying the single life at home...

It's a bit weird.. i was looking through my sis-in-law pics... and i saw my bro and her... it felt weird... my bro is a married man... took some time to sink the fact in my head... hmmm, love is a real complicated thing...

"Why are girls expected to accept the guy's mistakes and downfalls, but he cannot do the same for the girl" - someone asked me...

I did not know what to answer... well i am well aware... not all guys are like that... but those who do just have a huge ass ego...

Exactly 1 and a half hours until i enter adulthood... another year of singlehood awaits me... lately i have been thinking this lifestyle is not so bad... as long as i am happy right...

...

Couldn't Agree More...

2009-10-08T22:17:00.002+08:00

So today my shift at the childcare that i am working at finishes at 6pm... this boy kept asking me to read the time for him like every 10 to 15 mins since the clock struck 5pm... because apparently, his mom told him that she was picking him up at 6.30pm...

So the last half an hour i was there, he asked for the time again... and i told him that it was 5.30pm... Our conversation went like this...

BOY: Teacher it's 5.30 now?
ME: Yes it is 5.30.
BOY: How will 6.00 look like?
ME: (put 2 index fingers together forming a straight line) It will look like this on the clock?
BOY: Oh (copying me) Like this is 6.00?
ME: Yes... but it is only 5.30 now...
BOY: Okay...

(Comes back again at 5.45pm)

BOY: Teacher what time is it now? It is 6 yet?
ME: No it is only 5.45...
BOY: Now is 5.30?
ME: Just now was 5.30... now its 5.45...

And his next reply was something i didn't expect a nursery kid to say...

BOY: So slow... (walks away)

The moment he said that, i couldn't help but smile to myself! All his other classmates were playing legos and having fun while waiting for their parents to come... and there he was constantly checking the time... hoping it would pass him by quickly so he can get home...

I feel you man... i feel the exact same way most of the time :)

What Is Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

2009-09-23T19:22:00.003+08:00

I was just watching this segment on a Korean info-tainment (if there is such a term)... it was talking about the details behind those over the top marriage proposals... you know the kind that you rent an entire theme park, for example, and decorate it with kelap-kelip kind of lights in the form of the sentence 'Will You Marry Me' kind of thing... Do you know just renting a venue can cost up to $3500 to $4000? There are even marriage proposals on those wide-screens at stadiums and such... some are for free while some cost about $20 for like about 10 mins...

When i think about it, it would be a nice surprise... but personally i like it simple. Because when one proposes, that guy is telling you, the best way he knows how, that he is ready to step into the next phase of his life with you and you only... so i don't know... such a moment is quite sacred between lovers and should not have to be so taxing on the guy's part... BUT if he still wants to out of the sincerity of his heart then i also don't mind...

But guys nowadays are creative okay... check this out:

(source: oceanworld.com.au)

Guess chivalry isn't dead in some men... :)

How to Ruin a Good Atmosphere

2009-09-15T17:59:00.004+08:00

About a few weeks back I had applied for a study grant from Lee Foundation.

Side track:
Way before I had begun my first semester at Wheelock College, my parents (especially mom) had been telling me over and over again to apply for this study grant.

I kept putting it off because:
1) I was lazy to type up a formal letter. I found it troublesome to do so.
2) I did not think for a second that i would get it simply because I was not as smart as my sister, who had also applied for the same grant. Her results were way better, plus she got an award along with her diploma. What are the chances of an average diploma holder with a GPA below 3.5 and a silver CCA certificate get me?
3) I was not confident. Like i had mentioned in number 2, my qualifications only led me as far as a scholarship interview. That's it.

Back to the story:
So finally after the summer immersion program at Boston, I decided to do it because I wanted to be a better daughter who actually listens to her mother and does as told when I got home to Singapore. Also, deep down, I was getting fed up with the not-pleasant-to-the-ears comments being passed by both my mother AND my sister.

So using my sister's previous letter as a template and with an updated resume from Boston, I finally typed it the letter requesting for the study grant and sent it to the Lee Foundation.

That was a few weeks back.

Situation NOW:
I received a letter from the Lee Foundation.

Alhamdulilah, I was successfully given a study grant, which would cover majority of my upcoming semester fees.

I was ecstatic. Who would have thought that me, the average student, would get a study grant. My self-esteem increased, confidence rose for that few minutes. I even hugged my mom.

THE MOMENT:
When my mom kept saying repeatedly, "Oh alhamdulilah but you see... if you listened to me... it would have been better if you sent it earlier. Then i wouldn't have suffered..."

Now my mother has a personality which she cannot control. It is due to her childhood experiences. I have learnt to come to terms with that BUT the words she says never fails to ignite fire in my heart.

Hearing those words over and over again...

I know money is not easy to come by. And I know it is my fault for delaying to send that letter. You have already made your point. YOU WERE RIGHT. Yes you suffered. I didn't. Yes you did tell me so, i didn't listen. I heard you the first, second, third and fourth time.

You used to tell me kalau dapat duit sikit pun alhamdulilah. To me little things like this is a big achievement. But now, this letter seems insignificant.

Its like the time when I told her i got an A2 for my English O Level... a subject in which i was expecting a B3 at most... and when i told her, response was "A2 aje?"

Its the exact same feeling. The feeling that oh, is that it? Is that all you can do?

That is why I delayed sending the letter. Because of moments like these. Because even if i put in my hardest efforts, it looks minimal to you. That is why I don't bother to try out for things I am not confident in.

...

A week into Ramadan...

2009-08-30T14:44:00.002+08:00

Yeap a week has officially passed... very fast huh? Before you know it, Ramadan is over and my school term will end... time flies too fast on this Earth... it's kinda scary...

Any-who, been trying my utmost best to keep up with Statistics... so far it is manageable really... i guess i just need to keep practicing... Ugh, each time i do the homework... my mind goes back to my O levels days... i clearly remember NOT studying at all for E Maths... part of me was overconfident... another part was just too plain lazy to review the ever thick 10 years series book... i sort of regret such behavior... if only i had not been so complacent, i might hae gotten better than a C5 for my E Maths... kwang3... al-kisah... antedomoite..

Recently started taking Letchin supplements... sister's treat... apparently it helps to break down fats in our body... upon research (via Google, where else!), it is known to lower cholesterol levels and break down fats in your liver... but NOT scientifically proven to lose weight... oh well, not that i was expecting miracles in the first place... but hey, preventing high cholesterol is just as good... oh yeah, Letchin comes from soya beans... so Soya milk is good for you people! Eat your dosage of soya!

Oh man... tomorrow Monday... another long week... yeah yeah i know my school week is until Thursday... but it feels so far away really... i love it when the Thursday lessons end... a loooooooong weekend awaits me... Hahaha! What could be better! I miss it already... even though it is only 3pm right... waaaah!

Okay i am going to YouTube a bit before i officially resume my Statistics revision... :( Peace!

What I Want in a Man?

2009-08-03T11:21:00.002+08:00

Someone is who has the ability to set aside his ego to make one happy
Someone who actually shows that he thinks of you in the smallest acts of kindness... and it does not necessarily mean material things
Someone who can read the atmosphere when she blatantly says, "Enough is enough"
Someone who won't make me cry
Someone who is able to make me feel like i am beautiful inside out, which i do not feel like all the time
Someone, to the best of his ability, who can face life's obstacles without breaking down
Someone who is willing to compromise
Someone who knows how talk to a lady

I seriously think i want to step down from the dating scene... i do not even know if i want to make more guy-friends... Like in 'The City', the most important relationship that you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. I feel like i have to make myself strong enough to take care of my own needs and to not depend on others to do so for me. If he comes in my life, then i want it to be a moment when i had least expected it. I leave everything in Allah's hands...

But meanwhile, i think i need this time to be mellow... it is not easy for me to show that i am okay in front of others when i am actually not...

I guess deep down i am an emotional wreck... Peace.

Being Home

2009-07-29T23:04:00.002+08:00

It's nice

It's comfortable

It's convinient

It gives me back my sense of belonging

It is the place where i know i am missed

It is overwheliming

It is frustrating

It is... overwhelming...

Very overwhelming...

Allah would only give obstacles that you can overcome...

Why do i feel like im falling apart here

Im sorry papa...

To you:
I do talk too much... i should shut up... i should say nothing...

I should know my place in this family...

I should give tired people their space

I am just a pile of psychological shit... What do i know about being tired...

I am not saying this to be sacarstic or all-knowing

I am giving in

And i give up...

Day 1 & Day 2

2009-06-19T21:14:00.002+08:00

Hey readers of la humble blog... for those of you who are not updated, i am now in BOSTON!!! Hahaha... seriously! It is about 9.15am here... so it would probably be about 9.15 pm back in Singapore...

So far i have endured being in plane for 24 hours (give and take) and transiting through 2 different countries: Hong Kong & San Francisco... let me tell you, being for a flight for more than 10 hours is NO JOKE. Its mentally exhausting and BORING. I mean my plane did not even have a T.V. screen directly in front... it was the kind where everybody had to rely on the big screen in front... ugh... other than that, i was practically stoning in the plane... i knew i was tired enough but to get my body into the sleeping mode immediately is not an easy thing to do k... hehehe... somehow i survived lah...

Cut the story short... we arrived in Boston...

Honestly when i got out of the airport, I didn't feel any different... The expressways, cars and surrounding buildings is just like Singapore... it was only until i got in the streets that it started to look more different...

I will be posting pictures on my facebook so please keep a lookout for that okay...

Oh yah, just about an hour ago, Izzah (my room mate) and I got locked out of our room... we had to go to this certain lady because she had the master key... and she seemed pretty pissed.. or maybe her face just looks like that... i don't know... hehehe...

Anyways will update you guys soon enough...

A week has passed...

2009-04-26T21:05:00.002+08:00

Seriously... time really flies... my first week of holiday officially over and I HAVE NOT FOUND A JOB YET... god... seems like majority of childcare centres have enough staff at the moment... and somehow, i have lost my motivation to look for a job...

So i finally got my VISA... yay... but now i have yet to type a reflection paper for Lauren Thorman... ugh... it's annoying when academics get in the way of your leisure time...

Lately, i've been going to dance and slacking at home... what better lifestyle can you ask for really.. :) Nothing much new with me... just came back home super late yesterday cause parents finally had another sleepover at JB... hehehe... loved every moment i was not at home...

There is also a huge ass ulcer in my mouth... i seriously think someone out there is really talking bad stuff about me behind my back... i have bitten that same ulcer many times ah... only yesterday i bit it super hard till it bled... ugh... annoying little injuries...

I have not started packing for Boston nor have i even thought about what to bring... Oh well, when the time draws nearer i guess.... still feels a bit surreal... me going to America... like super wow man...

Anyway, peace out... and i will update again when i come online...

Whatever...

2009-04-17T20:56:00.002+08:00

So i am at home... sleepy and showing my usual face... sis in on M.C. and mom is in bed as usual. So naturally i have to go down and buy dinner. Did not like that but what the heck just do it.

Was quite happy with myself because i did not buy any fast food or nasi ayam... i bought fruits for dinner and it felt great...

So came back home and was cutting up some fruit...

Sis comes along...

"Is somethin bothering you mirah?"

I replied no and that i was just sleepy.

"You should try smiling at home more"

I replied again that i am sleepy and added whatever. At that time, I was thinking both my mum and her must have either talked about me OR my sis is just not used to my 'unsmiling' face.

"I know its not your style but seriously, you should smile more when you are at home"

This sentence got me silent.

When you are randomly showing a f**ked up face and treat me like shit sometimes, i get angry. I tell you to relax. I tell you to speak nicely. BUT I never tell you that you should change any aspect of yourself.

I don't get my mother and my sister. Is it really super difficult to accept this part of me. I smile when i am happy. I show a normal face when i feel normal.

Unfortunately, Allah gave me a face such that my normal face looks like a f**ked up face. Smiling for no reason is sure as hell not my style.

Like what i said in my title WHATEVER.

I fucking hate this side of you!

2009-04-13T19:14:00.002+08:00

The bitter side...

The one that knows only how to be the world's most negative being on earth...

The one who always reminds just how much of her money goes to her children's education... eh kalau orang ikhlas, they would not have to remind the person everyday where their money goes to! Fucked up man...

Always using information against others...

You are always right, never wrong... if we happen to prove you are wrong... you still insist you are right and throw a temper tantrum of a 3 year old...

God sometimes... i really hate you..

I hate your guts... i hate everything about this side of you...

You expect everyone around you to shower you with unconditional love... BUT listen here, to get love you got to give love... you can't just demand it... like how you always have...

You had a tough childhood no thanks to that stupid someone... you say you don't want to be like her... but news flash! You are being her... and you know what, my biggest fear is one day i am going to resent you as much as i resent the person who gave you such a tough childhood...

What is worse is... my resentment is starting to grow already...

I am already having thoughts about having a life away from you... just like you always tell me... yah when you have a job and all that, mane nak ingat kite kan... ini kalau da dapat keje, duit tak bagi, i also don't know what to say...

You keep saying that i won' t take care of you EVEN WHEN I DO NOT HAVE THE SLIGHTEST THOUGHT OF THAT...

Don't make me... don't push me to do it...

I may even grow up to be like you one day... and fuck that makes me super pissed... because look where that has gotten me... i have an ex who is actually happy that he broke up with me due to my nature of planning for the future, which was started by YOU...

Every day in this house feels like im chained to you. You always remind me of that. It does not feel like a home. THAT IS WHY WE GO OUT. BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO FEEL THAT WAY EVERY TIME WE ARE IN THE HOUSE. YOU WON'T LET IT REST SOMETIMES.

Fuck man...

You make me regret taking up this degree... you always say its for your future... yet you always remind me of the money... I KNOW THERE IS FUCKING MONEY INVOLVED. You don't have to make us feel bad for having further education...

Why can't you not do that... why do you have to be so bitter...

Makes me sad... i can't wait to go to Boston...

And once i have finished by damn degree... i can't wait to work and save up to travel around the world... with or without your blessing... i will not lead a life like yours and refuse to... i will lead a life that makes me happy... not frustrated, not anything...

Watch me..

I want to hit the reset button

2009-03-22T14:50:00.002+08:00

I hate where i am now. I hate this person. I hate the position i am in now. I do not know what i want in life. I don't even know where i am heading to.

People develop many different perspectives of me. Some think i worry too much about getting into trouble. Some think i am impatient. Some think i should just chill. Some think i am heartless. Some think i am lazy. Some find it amusing that my connection with Malay culture is THAT bad.

I do not want to be in dance anymore. I want to erase the contacts of all guys who i had dated/dating. I want to move to somewhere where no one has any idea who i am.

I want to start anew. I wish so deeply that i do not feel so insecure now. That things were how they used to be. Where my life did not revolve around having to impress people or boys. Where i was just a planet on my own.

I'm sick of having to replay the moments in my life where i am insignificant. I want it to stop. I'm sick of myself... i just want it to end.

Last Minute is sometimes good :)

2009-03-21T13:39:00.003+08:00

Yup... so yesterday (which was a Friday) was all about the LAST MINUTES!

1) Implementation at Childcare
So my research group and i actually met at the wee hours of 9am on the only day of the week that we have no school, so that we can go to the childcare centre to observe a Maths lesson... BUT SOMEHOW they were unaware and unprepared for this observation... so the observation was once again postponed to another day... note that i used the words ONCE AGAIN... this is not the first time we took the time to locate and go to the childcare; only to be told that the trip you made was for nothing... haish... but no worries, got to eat breakfast with my group mates and it was cool :)

2) Silence from the Recommendation
As you all know, Nabi Muhammad S.A.W wife, Khadijah (credits to Mira Wijaya), initiated the first move when she wanted to know him... so i decided why not try that this time around... in terms of friends of course... so messaged the guy that my ex wanted badly to recommend to me and asked him out for lunch supposedly after the implementation at the childcare in the morning (which did not happen)... i told him, if he's interested, just let me know because he also lives in the area where the childcare is located... but i have not heard from him until today... no comment and let me just say, i am turned off by that.

3) Movie Marathon with incomplete Frinks Ladies
So we wer supposed to have this marathon at Izzah's house... but something came up and venue was changed to Faz's house... so both of us watched an incomplete Bride Wars and Pineapple Express... the only complete movie we managed to watch was Saw 5... even that also, i happened to doze off for about 10 mins... hey, i was awake since 9am! Can't blame me! Oh yeah, in the end, Izzah did not come over because she could only leave the house by 4 and me and Faz wanted to go to Bugis at 6... so no point...

4) Me going to Bugis? For what?
The best last minute happening! Meanwhile throughout the day, i was messaging this new friend, who we will call H. Apparently he got me souveneirs from his trip tp Vietnam and so i wanted them... but i had to ask him out to get them... so i did... :) And i thought it was going to be an exchange of gifts and lepak kind of meeting... but it turned out to be a movie and dinner kind of meeting... watched Mall Cop at GV Marina and had dinner at Mc'donalds at Bukit Batok Central... he drove... So all-in-all, it was good fun and talking to him is like talking to Sean, but maybe a level higher? Hahaha!

So yeah, i actually had a complete day... All last minute... coolness :)

Now i do not know whether i should forgo tarian to attend MCC AGM 2009...

PROS:
- Get to see Fattanah Bie
- Support my Xpdtari Juniors and witness a new dance item

CONS:
- Will definitely miss out on new steps for tarian
- May not really have anyone to talk to because Bie has tons of friends coming and my only friends is just her and Ama

Haish... and i am once again NOT MOTIVATED to do anything for Wheelock... dammit...

Omedetou...

2009-03-17T14:29:00.002+08:00

Congrats to you for now 'seriously dating' some Yusof Ishak Sec junior who happens to live in the same area as you and has already met your mom... i am happy that you have already moved on for 5 months...

Congrats to my 2 best girls for having found their prince already...

Congrats, congrats, congrats...

*sigh*

Video on Wearing Hijab

2009-03-15T00:39:00.001+08:00

I happened to come across this video on You Tube... quite interesting... leave your comments k... Oh yeah, people there is a comments link at the end of every post... please say something before leaving my blog... its like you guys claim to have read it BUT there is no evidence of it! Once in a while won't kill yah! Hehehe... Take care!

Optimism Level rising

2009-03-10T21:51:00.002+08:00

Heee! It is so amazing how reading a few web pages on dressing tips for your body size can do for you... seriously, i could not be any happier... because NOW i have a clearer visual in my head of what i should be shopping for... all this while, i read magazines... heard advice from fashion experts here and there... but i could never understand exactly what clothes would support my figure...

I am pear-shaped by the way :)

Prior to reading these web pages, i was quite clueless... i would like to go on record that i do not have a fashion sense... i buy clothes either based on brand or the if the design screams cute or simply nice without taking into consideration if the shape of the clothes will actually make my body look good...

Now i know and i have the list of wardrobe essentials stuck on the wall that faces my study table... feel so happy by just reading those words... weird right... hehehe... so somebody please! ASK ME OUT FOR A SHOPPING DATE! I AM SOOOOOOO READY! Hahaha!

And also, some guy who added me on his friends list actually sent me a message. I mean usually, guys just keep adding without taking the first step... but the one i actually find cute took the first step!! Oh god! It has been soooooo long! But i shouldn't be like this... when i always look forward to something IT NEVER WORKS OUT FOR ME... oh man! But it isn't wrong to let the happiness marinate for a while right? I am a girl after all... i do get girly emotions too... :)

Alamak, tomorrow wednesday evening trainings resume... it has been some time since i had wednesday trainings... and part of me feels very very reluctant to come.

2 reasons:
1) It is a contemporary dance. That means its bad for me because strength and balance wise i SUCK (my definition of not up the standard of my seniors)

2) Because i suck so badly, i really feel like a black sheep of the herd. Those who i dance with are like naturally made to dance while i am struggling to keep up. I am not saying this because i have low self-esteem. I am saying this because it shows each time i look at myself in the mirror when i am dancing with the rest. I really suck and its times like these i feel like i am not qualified to be in such a group. And with no tarian babes, its getting harder and harder each time... back to square one huh...

Manicurist & Seamstress In Training

2009-03-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

So yesterday after an entire day of IT, i ended up going to the Popular outlet at IMM with Izzah... naturally since it is near her house... can happily say that i have gotten another file for my portfolio... BUT unfortunately now facing another technical problem... you see i put in A4-sized pockets into it... but when i try to put the file upright, i see the pockets like sagging... it could have something to do with the shape of the file which sort of curved inwards... but it irritatingly puts weight on the pockets and paper dividers... in fact, one divider has given way already... :(

Using my spidey senses, i decided to ask my dad for advice since he is the handy man around the house... in the end, he ended up teaching me some basic sewing skills to join 2 ends of an elastic band together... seriously, you would think mothers are the ones who like give you the first official lesson on how to do these things... but for some reason, it ended up this way... i was so impressed with my dad... i was like 'Oh', 'It's like that eh!', 'WOW'! Hahaha! Padehal its just like BASIC skills lah... :) Still, i am always in awe when a man can do everything... especially my dad!

So i have officially compiled the artifacts and rationale for standards 8, 9 & 10... 7 more to go... i don't know how i am going to do it... but seriously, i was like mentally drained lah... just filing it alone makes me tired...

I don't know why, i feel scared preparing the portfolio this early... it's good... but i don't know, somehow things i prepare early do not score as well as some of my classmate's work who begin much later...

Okay, i think my insecurity issue creeping up again... been happening a lot lately... i so hate to compare results...

Anyway, going back to the IMM story... after that, Izzah and I bought a sushi dinner and made our way to her place so that we can watch ourselves being the audience for Don't Forget The Lyrics!!! Hahaha! You know, at that time, Izzah and I had been upset because we thought that we would be totally and completely blocked by the back-up singers who were directly in front of us! But lo and behold! There were like many shots of us lah! And they even zoomed in on the Frinks Ladies when we were doing the dumb hand movements to the Macarena... Malu ah!

And what is worse, there is a part 2 next week!

Hahaha! But we had a good laugh watching ourselves... even izzah's mom was amused... :)

After watching our debut on TV, Izzah and I went into the girl-zone... since it was that time of the month for her, I did her nails! Yes you read right, i put on a glittery pink-ish nail polish on her nails and even pasted nail art stickers for her!! Hahaha! It took me around 2 hours ah... but seriously 2 dollar nail is not THAT good... trust me... i don't know how many coats i had to apply... and also, Izzah tended to accidentally scrape the nail polish against some surface...

BUT overall, the end product was nice... my customer was happy and i seem more motivated to learn how to do people's nails :)

Peace!

Silly Nilly Me

2009-03-05T15:49:00.002+08:00

How stupid of me to do 700 word reflection on readings that are meant for another session... haish... now i have to literally re-do everything... irritating truly... but hey, alhamdulilah, i have the weekend to rewrite it... so yeah, all is well...

Also, I should not have tried to sleep early last night... like 11pm-ish... because i thought for once, i would forgo watching any dramas or you tube videos of Japanese celebs online and actually sleep... but weirdly enough, i did not get any shut-eye until 3 am this morning... sempat aku tengok a re-run episode of The Biggest Loser (where obese people come together to lose weight)...

Now i am blur as hell in class... luckily its just I.T... yeah it's just I.T. but the assignments are pretty heavy on the brain... the reflection i mentioned above is one of them... seriously man...

Oh yeah, i will be an audience member on Don't Forget The Lyrics tonight! Hahaha! Look out for me yah! I'm sitting in between Izzah and Faz... hahaha... the Frinks ladies are on TV... OH MY GOD.

:)

Money Management = Not my forte'!

2009-03-04T21:33:00.002+08:00

Was it not a few days ago that we received our GST package of 200 bucks? For that few days, i felt like i could afford anything... hehehe... i mean it has seriously been awhile seen that amount of money was given to me freely...

With great power comes great responsibility?

NOT FOR ME!

I ended up spending it on necessary things i must say...

Okay before i go on, don't judge me okay... it has been seriously awhile since i bought things for myself... and to me, the stuff i bought are sort of like investments to me... and i am satisfied with my purchases... :)

With that being said (and not revealing the prices), i have spent majority of my money on:
1) A pair of giordano khaki pants
2) 6 Tom & Stefanie cho-li
3) Slimming Pills (I am not kidding!)

So remainder = 41.55

If i were to save 10 bucks each week, i am sure i can bring up that amount again... i do have to save up to buy another file for my portfolio... stupid sia... turns out the one that i bought is not big enough to fill my up my file pockets... what is even dumber is that when i went to POPULAR today, they had an annual stock count or something... so they closed it for about 3 hours... ugh! Of all days... i hate it when i go all the way to leave empty handed... that is why i ended up purchasing the items above :)

So yeah, i am missing a dear friend who is studying hard right now... it really sucks because when i do get the chance to talk to her, i get the feeling that i am disturbing her and i feel real bad for trying to get in touch with her in the first place... Sorry eh bie!

Any-who, 9am to 5pm IT taiketsu begins tomorrow! Ya allah get me through these next 6 weeks of IT-ism... Amin :)

Simple things...

2009-02-28T00:35:00.002+08:00

I just noticed today what are kinds of food that actually make me happy... weird huh... it's just the feeling of... when you eat it, you feel satisfied... in your mind, you tell yourself "Ah yes, I can survive a lifetime just eating this kind of thing"

For me the foods are (drum roll please...):
1) Red Bean bun/pau
2) Kaya bun
3) Cereal with cold milk
4) My mom's chocolate chip cookies
5) Nasi with kicap and telur goreng
6) Any dish with brocolli and tofu in it

And the best part is... they are all inexpensive foods :)

Ya Allah, i have slacked these past 2 days... not touching anything related to Wheelock College... been too busy watching Ikuta Toma's new drama, Voice and even managed to finish an entire season of Kurosagi! I can't help it... Yamapi really reminds me of Cloud from FFX 7...

I really wanted to avoid being a fan of Yamapi because he is so common and liked by every other girl in the world... that is why i support Ryo-chan...

Wooops! Sorry to readers who don't understand what the hell i am typing... if you knew Johnny's group, NEWS... then maybe you would at least have an idea who i am talking about... :)

Maybe i am just doomed to be alone

I'm healthy

2008-12-09T21:27:00.002+08:00

Each time i look down on the bagel of 'babat' surrounding the lower half of my body, i keep telling myself... its just that i'm well fed and that i'm healthy... i should be happy right... it does get depressing though... the 'babat' bagel was not that... you know, big...

Any-who, went shopping with Fattanah bie! I love going out with her!! Seriously, you wanna go shopping ask her out! Book an appointment! She's awesome! She gives you advice and helps in the decision-making without making you feel like you are a burden to her... and she goes all the way! Even to alteration of pants!!! And i am damn happy with my purchases... though i have to ensure that i keep up with my jogging to ensure that i can fit in them better... especially the 3 pairs of jeans that i bought...

I don't want to be stick thin... just slim enough to fit into those damn jeans... and i feel if i can fit into them for the rest of my life... then its all good... so in a way, those jeans are like my... erm weight target??? I don't know how to put it in words...

Any-who (part 2)...

Check out this Japanese idol, Aiba Masaki (from J-pop boy band, Arashi) trying to converse in English... It's kinda funny... and laughing in the way to being healthy (i think...) so enjoy!

[still depressed about my body... really depressed... :( ]

Catching up with old pals...

2008-12-01T21:57:00.002+08:00

Yeap yeap... i finally met up with fattanah bie the other day... and it was truly wonderful day... she gave me a wonderful body shop gift set in a body shop plastic bag... Tea tree oil baby... those stuff don't come cheap okay... THANK YOU BIE!!! And i would also like to take the credit because the whole idea of our date was pretty much my idea right? Right? Right? Hahahah! Basically we had lunch at far east square, where she had patiently waited 15 mins for my fat burner pills to kick in before eating... and then we pretty much walked all the way to city hall from there... honestly i had not laughed so hard or talked so much in 2 months i have spent at home... every little thing seemed funny... from my pronounciation of 'tongue' plaza to me stopping her from dashing across the road t0 reminscing about our xpdtari days...

In a way, i am blessed to be able to spend an entire day with her... talking to her about serious things makes me feel like im not the only one... things like the 'tudung' stuff or hearing about her jogging routines makes me feel inspired to do what she does... and guess what? No matter how much my dear family and friends deny, I DID PUT ON WEIGHT. I CAN FEEL IT IN MY THIGHS. But no worries! :) Like i said, my bie has inspired me... so for the whole month of december (already started today btw)...

OPERATION JOG 5 TIMES A WEEK FOR 30 MINS BEGINS!!!

My dad has finally put up the treadmill again so yeah... and im going to eat in moderation now... no more snacking even when im not THAT hungry... Im really hoping i don't give up this routine of mine... i plan to get my body used to this exercise for this month and hopefully by next month, to jog around Ngee Ann campus (with all the hills and slopes)... I want to do something... so if anyone who reads this is interested in getting into the healthy lifestyle with me, just SMS or leave a comment okay! I'm really serious about this... with a jogging partner i can motivate myself more this month... don't worry, i wont compete for time... my aim to at least make and effort to exercise and not just complain i put on weight...

See bie... i do reflect on what we talk about!!! Are you proud??? Hehehehe...

And what's more, i met up with my lovely FRINKS the next day to celebrate my b'day a well... and it was truly fun... they got me not 1, not 2 but THREE delicious cakes (still haven't eaten my Princess Belle cakes yet)... and the ladies also got me a HANDBAG!!! And it was the kind i really really really like! I was delirious! And after dinner at Arab street, we also walked to the city hall area, this time going to the esplanade... not going to include the moment-ruining incidents that happened but at least i got to take the night rider with Faz and babe, you are seriously taking the right degree programme... i think that you are meant to do this... please keep it up okay... and don't worry, i won't abuse your knowledge [if you know what i mean ;)]...

The advice you (faz) gave me about my studies... it really put things into great perspective for me... i may want to become a childcare teacher after all... but it really does not have to be now... even though i know everybody else is doing it... but that is their decision... i know i can't work in that kind of setting now... even if it would greatly help my assignments, it won't really help my future employment as my experience in childcare centres is limited to a min of 1 month and a max of 2-3... having gone for an interview for an established childcare already, i really feel that full-time working experience for at least 1 or 2 years can put me in a better position and not just over the holidays... i am still young after all... yes i may be losing out on money or that little experience... but i would rather do it when school is over and done with... when my purpose is to support my family, not get a degree.

Yeah... this is what i have decided so far... all thanks to talks with my close and trusted friends.

Do catch up with friends... it really is worth the time...

By the way, congrats to Cha Cha a.k.a Princess Giselle on her engagement... 20, working with a future husband... all i can say is woah... all the best cha cha... i'll be waiting for the wedding invitation yah!!!

Peace out!

Reflecting upon my reflection

2008-11-07T00:12:00.002+08:00

Told myself that in order to get money and experience, you have to work... no matter how lazy you are, you have to work... it is the way of the world... don't work, you'll be broke and can live no where... i tried it for a week and i have not been working until today... think you all the reasons (mentioned in one of my previous posts i think)...

So meanwhile, i have been sending in my resume to a couple of childcare centres... and alhamdulilah i got 2 callbacks for interview... here's the funny thing... you send out your resume with a deep, burning hope that you would be shortlisted or something like that... but in the process of waiting, you kind of begin to lose hope and decide to settle back into the life of being a couch potato... and suddenly when you get the callback which you have been so eagerly looking forward to before, you kind of regret sending it out in the first place for fear that you may actually get the job and have to start waking up early everyday once again to work...

Well that may not be how everyone perceives it... but this is how i see it... hahaha... guess im just a lazy bum bum...

Went back for xpdtari training the other day... 2 new members [quite english speaking like me, :)] and newbies at dancing [like bie when she first started out! hehehe]... i think if they stay long enough, they may get their prior tarian experience from primary school back... preseverance ladies... and sheila's sister joined up to... hope these people don't become MIA all of a sudden... to me, i don't mind that you don't really know how to dance... just make sure you SHOW UP.

And 2 days ago i turned 20. I basically stayed home and went for azpirasi training (which alhamdulilah was one of the good practices... when you sweat and all that... sweating is good by the way)... got a lot of birthday wishes (always happy to receive them!)... and when i reached home, i was damn surprised to see 3 BIRTHDAY PRESENTS awaiting for me! My dad bought me this handphone pouch made from japanese silk! Its damn kawaii!!! Love u Papa! Although he is one of the few who makes fun of my interests in Japanese dramas and anime and Hindustan movies, he still supports it no matter what... hehehe...

But i was more shocked with my other 2 presents! 2 charles and keith merchandise... one bag and a pair of trojan-like sandals!! I WAS SUPER SHOCKED LAH!!! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER OWN A CHARLES AND KEITH BAG! And as for the shoes, i only bought one pair in my whole life and even that one is like becoming spoilt lah! All thanks to my lovely sister, Kak Suffy (sis-in-law) and dearest Mama!!

Now i have to wait another entire year to watch R21 movies... hehehe... its okay... i get to be younger longer... :)

Wish me luck for my interview later! Peace!

Japanese Games

2008-10-29T16:25:00.002+08:00

Hey don't be surprised with my sudden output of Japanese-y stuff... i have always been deeply in love with the japanese culture... i just don't show it because i knew i would be made fun of... but now, it is my only distraction from reality and it makes me feel good... honestly, because of stuff like anime, i learn to laugh and loosen up... so if it makes me smile, hopefully it would have the same effect on you... i'm posting up 2 videos from the same game show... The guest is a Johnny Entertainment idol, Hideaki Takizawa (also known from Tackey & Tsubasa)... there are english subtitles so enjoy watching! Keep a lookout for the guy in specs! Die tu semangat giler okay!!

Izzah B'day Celebration @ ECP & Pesta Raya 2008

2008-10-28T11:24:00.005+08:00

Hey there beautiful people! Its really been some time since my last post... nothing much really... i tried working weekdays at tumble tots for a week and i was like super lazy to go to work the next week... PUNGGOL IS FAR PEOPLE! And to have to get up early to catch the bus is no joke! If i were living in woodlands, the bus to punggol would be nice, fun and short... but from bukit batok, its really a bit too far... anyway, my mom recently went for surgery for her arm... as of now, she is unable to use her left arm for at 6 months (recovery period and all that)...

But hey, all work and no play makes me dull... seriously...

I want to proudly say here that i have finally tired out PILATES!!! Well dynamic pilates to be specific and it is really cool lah... i think if i were to go for it everyday, i would be a more flexible and slim lady... hehehe... but once again, its at raffles place... i just have to travel don't i... but seriously id recommend it... and please do not underestimate old women okay... because there were ladies in their 50s and maybe even 60s who were WAY MORE FLEXIBLE THAN ME!! Gosh it was embarassing... hehehe... but a good learning experience...

And now i shall put up pictures for Izzah b'day celebration at ECP... alah its only a few but it was great fun! I love my frinks a lot... with these people i can truly be myself and i know they will accept me for it... we've been friends for so long haven't we? And izzah Happy Birthday! Again... hehehe... but super proud of you for driving on the expressway on your own (well most of the time) but still you did awesome!

Next i shall post up some pictures i took during Pesta Raya 2008 @ Esplanade... it was another first-time experience for me... i have never performed there before... though it got lonely from time to time, i was glad that some frinks like Yat (and friends) and Faz (with Natasha) came down to support me... seeing your faces did make me feel much much better, especially Faz... i thank you guys for watching me even though i did make a lot of mistakes... hehehe...

Yo that's all folks! Until next time! Ciao bella!

Kwang3... Something New...

2008-10-04T19:52:00.002+08:00

Hahaha! Oh by the way, my holiday began like 2 days ago... ever since, i've been online... no not on MSN... found MSN to be boring really... been soaking up japanese and taiwanese dramas (sorry i still find korean language too rough)... anyway... was surfing through you tube and as you all know the Japanese are damn innovative when it comes to game shows or stuff like that... this certain video caught my attention... the 2 guys are doing scenes backwards... but it is played back in reverse... get it? It is pretty self-explanatory and funny too... their language also has to be in reverse when filiming... so the 1st scene is passing the baton, second is a hurdles race, third is a fight, and last is someone who woke up late... ENJOY!!!

So this is how it feels like...

2008-09-24T02:16:00.002+08:00

Honestly i do not know if i am in the position whereby i am being completely ignored by someone... Just like that, no response to my messages and not online... For someone who keeps assuring me that he is not that kind of person to do this kind of thing... for someone who made me promise to always be friends with him and not ignore him...

Well, i sure as heck have not heard from him.

Not that i'm in love with him or anything. I was starting to enjoy the company of a new friend... that dating is fun... allowing myself to feel good... i understand im not tied down to him...

But i like to keep things clean... not just leave it hanging in the air, with no answers to anything...

Or maybe you are just really too busy.

Whatever it is, it would not hurt to let me know.

What is this called?

Is it the its not you, its me kind of thing? Rejection...?

Or simply being ignored and never hearing from the person again...

Never thought it would happen to me though... haish so this is how it feels like...

Boredom is Natural

2008-09-21T12:18:00.003+08:00

The above title is true ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE TO SIT THROUGH POSTER PRESENTATIONS... Seriously, it may be an alternative way to allow for student's creativity but it would also be very helpful if the system actually refrained from giving student no choice but to spend their own money on these things... Yeah yeah its heavily subsidized... whatever... people still have difficulty paying this subsidized amount also... don't you forget it...

Anyway, one way to tackle boredom during this kind of situation is...

DUH TAKING PICTURES OF COURSE!!!

Okay i seriously apologize to my classmates who were presenting and may have gotten distracted by me and Ada taking pictures... but really i did display respect to the best of my ability... hey at least i took pics in silent mode!! And we even laughed with no sound!! Promise!!

Seriously, every time i look at my photos i am reminded of my father... i got his features man... and i really truly madly deeply hate my skin... its so bad ah! Anyway...

Peace! :)

Procrastionator: That's me!

2008-09-19T15:31:00.002+08:00

Yeap... i have been on the computer since 1.30pm... and i have not started on my work at all... padehal it's very simple to do... i simply do not know why i let myself want to do other things... i want my disciplined self when i was in polytechnic! The one who could tell myself to just do it so that i do not have to retake anything... the one who could really define the boundary between work and play... like really define it... the one who could scold herself and make herself feel like the shit-iest person in the world for not doing what she was supposed to do that day...

Haish... i am doomed i tell you...

But hey, while i was in my procrastination process, i did manage to play my PS2 game without having to refer to the walkthrough! At least that something right? I mean independence man... exploring unchartered waters on your own... i call that an achievement...

2 days ago, i thought what i was doing was good for me... taking my time, slowly getting into the new look... i thought EFFORT put in and PROGRESS made is what counts... but as usual, the usual habits of slapping reality in my face makes me realize that what i have been doing so far is not counted... That i can't do it like mcm org kafir... kadang-kadang nak, kadang-kadang tak nak...

You guys are right. As usual.

But it never hurts to give support and continue to have faith in your loved ones NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES THEY SCREW UP IN TRYING TO DO GOOD. Not everything should be, "I'm just telling what is true" Do you know how demoralised comments like that can make a person feel? If it's some other tom, dick and harry out there, yes go ahead! But if it's me, you should know better... but then again, who cares.

The duty of the older ones to tell what is required of us. That's it. Feelings... throw it out...

And my handphone has been silent. It's my fault for allowing myself to get carried away. It makes me so not want to study. A simple message would suffice...

Anyway, tata... i have to type something at least... peace :)

Max Brenner Diaries

2008-09-15T17:10:00.005+08:00

As promised, the photos of my 1st ever chocolate fondue experience...

Thank you for making this day special bie...

Max Brenner anyone?

2008-09-12T08:16:00.001+08:00

I'm sure you guys have been into Esplanade right? Who hasn't? Well, if you happen to decide to treat and indulge in a little sinful, chocolate experience... you guys should definitely check out the Max Brenner cafe! Its super awesome... i went there for buka yesterday and i have never been so content with chocolate in my life...

The chocolate fondue is to die for! Oh my god lah... well it was my first time trying it, so what's not to like right... marshmallows, banana, small pieces of banana cake... yummmmmmmmmy... It's $20 though... but ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT! And the chocolate drinks there... i forgot the name of it but its like cookies and cream-ish kind of drink... goodness sake... its so smooth ah...

I PROMISE to upload pics of this dining experience soon... hopefully just a few images would make you want to check it out too...

And oh yeah, it's the first time i left a tip for the waiter too! Hahaha! Now i know how to give tips... hehehe... and i felt good lah... the chinese guy deserved it... So do give tips to the ones that make the effort people... makes your day and theirs too! I don't know to what extent is that statement true... but what the hey, won't know until you try it right...?

Peace :)

I feel happy... oh so happy...

2008-09-09T00:38:00.002+08:00

Finally... i can date him... OFFICIALLY!!! I am so... alhamdulilah! I am so happy ah... i want to be able to date him... i really think it will benefit the both of us... really... and this time, we can just focus on US... no influence of friends and especially family...

Really happy and hoping it works out for the best...

I am working on the ignorance is bliss thing...

Because honestly, there is other things worth being happy about... people are what they are... and i shall follow my own saying of...

"Its how you adjust to other people's flaws that makes you a true friend"

I'll just keep working at it... not for recognition... but to upholding the the values of being a good friend to others...

Peace :)

Its that time of year again...

2008-09-04T23:55:00.003+08:00

Yeah... bulan puase huh... haish... its already the fifth day and i have yet to officially start my fasting... yea, thanks to nature of the woman that happens naturally at certain times of the month... But its okay... i think today (as in 5th September) i can start... erm yay?

Haish... if we were still together it would have been our 2nd year and 10th month together... but you know, i'll still keep count... because we may not be in love right now... but our friendship blossomed in the years we we know each other... and we did not necessarily need to be in love to have this bond you know... so my birthday will always remain a special day in my calendar... it was the day the most humourous and understanding person came to stay in my life... and i will do everything in my power to never lose you from my memory. That i can promise you.

In terms of love, its growing but a much slower rate than with him... taking your time, getting to know the person is real important... but, what he lacks worries me a bit. I've always had this worry when it comes to relationships...

Can we tahan each other? Most importantly, can he tahan me?

I would like to think that i already have a clear picture of the best and the worst things that i might and will do... and trust me, sometimes it can drive the opposite sex CRAZY MAD!!! Forget the opposite sex, even my own kakak cant take it sometimes...

So, you know... i just don't want to invest my time in something that will end in disappointment, anger, sadness and eventually complete non-existence of each other... if you know what i mean...

But the times i dont see him, i miss him... his messages, MSN conversations... he is so sweet... i believe that he is sincere in every word he's saying to me...

When no one is around, he is the person that i have grown to like... but come many people into the picture... and he becomes somebody else... a self-conscious kind...

So how else can you connect with the guy who lives in the other end of Singapore, works full-time (and keeps himself busy with occasional part-time jobs), is self-conscious about affection in very public places but very sincere you read his words?

How about phone calls? Nah... he prefers NOT to have phone conversations... its just the way he is...

So... let me repeat...

So how else can you connect with the guy who lives in the other end of Singapore, works full-time (and keeps himself busy with occasional part-time jobs), is self-conscious about affection in very public places but very sincere you read his words... AND rarely talks on the phone?

..........................................................................

I guess this new experience has taught me to really take in and treasure the few, rare wonderful moments i have with him. Moments when he is the person im starting to really like. On other occasions, well like he says... "at least we got to meet"... I guess i should learn to be more accomodating... Its hard to love someone... but then again love was never easy in the first place...

But this is not the only thing on my mind...

Yes return of the FRIENDS PROBLEM...

Im sick of it... i keep confiding in my friends to ENSURE THAT I'M NOT OVER-REACTING. THAT IT IS JUST ME. But why must you be like that? SO ignorant... drives me nuts... but i don't hate you okay... i just REALLY DISLIKE THE WAY YOU DO WORK! AND I DISLIKE HOW YOU CAN BE SO OBLIVIOUS TO EVERYTHING ELSE... even when i tell you, its like okay... she's just telling me... i nod my head and that's it...

You know sometimes i need some assurance... im only human... i want to know that i can depend on you as a true friend... in times of need and stuff like that... but judging from this, it feels damn awkward to do so... and i dont want that! When you are nice, you are such a wonderful friend... but that is when you are nice...

And honestly... yeah yeah i know... chill babe chill...

I feel alone... Honestly im thankful for the special girlfriends (inlcuding the one who went on hiatus and came back but is not really herself)... but really, there is no one like Fattanah Bie for a SOLID TARIAN BABE... and you know what, we all need one when you join a dance group...

Bie i miss you tau... No one gets my humour or talks and understands me or motivates me as much as you do. Ni bulan puase ni... so im telling the truth ok... i really miss you.

"They say a true friend is hard to find. But i have no problem finding it in you."

Anyway, putting all my ramblings aside... whatever grudges i hold or any actions that i may have done to offend you in any way, please forgive me... Selamat berpuasa to all! Let us be mindful of our thoughts and words, help the less fortunate wherever possible and try our best to be close to Allah... Simply because there is no better time for this than bulan puasa...

Happy fasting everybody... Peace :)

Happiness, you gotta earn. Period.

2008-08-05T13:52:00.002+08:00

I recently found out that i naturally have a "heck-care" expression on my face. I am able to show people that I don't give a shit about what others say to me... i think. When i don't smile or show any indications of my usual 'energetic' or happy self, people ask if i am alright.

I guess sometimes... they are on point. At the moment, i am not happy. With myself mostly. But i don't bother telling others. Because others will either don't know how to respond or simply say "You are so silly for thinking that".

Honestly, i never thought i would be in this position right now. A position where i am neither here nor there. Where my happiness lies within the decision on one person. Where i am so miserable while waiting alone. I want to tell someone but who? I've considered even my most trusted friends but i do not think they would be able to say what i really want to hear...

I know, friends can only help when they tell you things you don't wana hear: the truth. But i want the truth to be told to me differently. Like there is something genuine to look forward to. I want someone who does not know me to tell me what to do. Why? There is no judgement. Just opinions. There is not one day that goes by where my eyes do not feel watery...

I hate this... sometimes i ask myself why... but then its all clear to me, i may not be the one for you. And that would really hurt considering i have put my heart and soul into this... will we even see our third year? I don't know...

But i know that we have to go through this. We... no you just have to. If not, how will i ever know that this is real? I know you love me... but for what i am now, do you really love me?

My friend used to tell me that 4th year together is the decisive factor...

However, for me... its the 3rd...

Sometimes feelings of regret creep into my soul for ever deciding to go through this new change of mine. But why should i feel any regret! It's for the better... and sadly, it reveals people's true nature towars you too... how a simple change can just... reveal everything... defines the flaws ever so clearly...

I keep in all in now. Honestly, i do not care for what others think... as of now... happiness is a far cry from me.

My Mojo!!!

2008-07-10T00:26:00.002+08:00

I think i am losing my studying mojo... i mean the 2nd week, i was motivated to do work into the late hours of the night... i could handle it... but last monday, honestly i regreted taking a nap first before getting started on my work... its just the absolute worst thing you can do... by the time i had to go school, i was dozing off here and there throughout the entire day... when the showed videos, i was awake but once they started talking, my eyelids just got heavier and heavier... and i felt my head swaying side to side or forward and backwards before i had to accidentally jerk myself back to reality!

If i were to demonstrate it to you, it would be funny. Seriously.

Word of advice: NEVER PROCRASTINATE

Not only that, i felt like i finally felt like really dumb when we had a group discussion of coming up with a topic and the bid understandings we want to children to know about the topic... Goodness i was so frustrated... it was only the first stage of the developing curriculum and already my mind was disintergrating!!! I got frustrated in the process as well cause none of my ideas seemed 'good enough'... it did not receive a confident response from one of the members...

Alamak! I guess stress hits us in more ways than one... take last tuesday's Xpdtari prac for example... one of them burst out due to overwhelming pressure of having to memorize steps in such a short amount of time... i tried to comfort her but i guess there are just some people who want to be left alone and deal with the problem on their own or confide in a more trusted friend... i can relate to that...

Advice: Putting your personal and family issues aside, tarian becomes more manageable ONLY WITH CONSISTENT PRACTICE. Performing for one show, then being MIA for the next few months and then suddenly coming back again does not allow room for improvement anywhere.

Before i sign off, i just want to mention that organic biscuits do not taste all that bad! And if you trust me, please avoid buying anything from the cafe at the library. When one of my friends had asked if the sausages they sold were 'halal', the aunties and uncle laughed at her and merely told her to trust them as there were too many people to attend to. Honestly, there was NO RESPECT ah. Had i been there, i would have brought something up... and apparently, it is okay to keep my friend waiting for half an hour for a waffle. When i brought it up, the aunty also pointed to another girl who has been waiting... so i simply responded back, "So you want to keep the both of us waiting is it?" Eventually the uncle gave me the option of refunding my friend's money, which i immediately accepted and he even said sorry. But only after he kept trying to justifythat it was the last waffle and what not...

It was real dumb ah... So if you trust my judgement, don't eat there... Because in a sense, you would be supporting their cause...

Peace out... and fattanah bie i miss you!!!

being a bad girl

2008-06-25T10:36:00.002+08:00

Yeap... now having a information skills session and what do i do? Update blog... know why? I simply dont have the time to do so... Firstly, no laptop luxury... Secondly, really no time... my life now is nothing but readings, journals, upcoming assignments and presentations... my first-hand experience with the intensive 6 weeks of each semester... i tell you, poly life was SUPER SLACK okay... you could come into class totally unprepared and somehow, you still be informed about what you are learning...

BUT NOW, if you fail to go through the readings, you will simply be left with nothing but confusion... in both lessons and the damn journals/reflections that we are required to do and submit almost each session.

After this, i can't believe i am actually gona stay back in the library to STUDY! Never in my life... well not that i have never done projects in the library... but to really sit down, read and undertsand content... NEVER...

But i am looking forward to dance practice tonight... although it will be more stressful (yet again) due to the upcoming production, i still need the outlet to vent out my stress... i seriously need it to let me know there is more to life than studying, reading and typing everyday...

Haish talking about dance makes me miss the times when i was in Xpdtari... Fattanah, Idah, Farihah, Y-da & Naquiah... But

My most favourite and memorable performance...

Haiyah amirah... must learn to move on... hehehe... ok reminiscing... later...

I've been busy...

2008-06-19T12:32:00.002+08:00

2 weeks of writing clinic... Dinamis Seni 08... and now upcoming 'Karya' on 28th June... And school starting again this coming Monday... osh gosh b'gosh man...

Honestly, sometimes i ask myself, who the hell am I to be here... i know i tend to overthink things but i can't help but be like this... i guess maybe its because i don't really have a solid friend like fattanah bie around... and i would like to take this opportunity to say that I MISS HER DEARLY! I wonder what she is doing now... probably working and stuff...

Dinamis was full of tears towards the end... to whoever is Xpdtari reading my humble blog...

That night i didn't get to say what i really wanted to say cause i was full of tears.

You guys are the only bunch who has tahan with my leadership. I thank you for your patience with me and i do hope you guys continue to bring up the name of Xpdtari. Never let anyone or any department break you guys apart because the bond that you share is damn strong. I love you guys and insyallah i might come back... we shall see okay...

Now i am feeling a different kind of stress at dance practices... it was never like the one at ngee ann... Its like everybody is already good. Now i gotta make sure i keep up with them so as not to be the one causing the bad show... haish... i do have a particular friend can confide in... but motivator... i guess i have to depend on myself...

Its times like this i wonder... was i ever a good motivator to Fattanah bie... as far as 3 years of poly life go, she always said something nice when i needed it... but i wonder if i did it just as much as she did... was i ever a good friend to her...?

Haish...

Triumphant at last!

2008-05-28T11:30:00.002+08:00

Mwahahahaha! I have finally found my EZ-link! It was kept safe in a box where i had kept my PS2 memory card as well! I was so smart to put those 2 things together! My most tresured items for the moment... but then again I was SUPER DUMB for putting the box in a place where i would never dream of looking! I ended looking through my study table, all my pants pockets and 'bongkar' one entire drawer! Waste of time okay!

So advice to all out there getting married soon or being the sibling of one who is getting married soon:

MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN YOUR HOUSE AT LEAST 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE. DO NOT WAIT BECAUSE YOUR HOUSE MAY NOT BE AS CLEAN OR AS ORGANIZED AS YOU THINK IT IS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Oh yeah speaking of weddings! My brother's one has passed already... Yeap last weekend... it was definitely THE experience lah... apart from eating 'wedding food' 2 whole days straight... i also learnt to be a better cameraman and have a wider exposure to the traditions of malay weddings... the preparations that go into these things are super exhausting... but the rewards? Seeing your brother finally moving on to the next phase of his life with the one he loves.

You know, on his nikah day... the 3 of us siblings got a moment together and we apologized for all our past mistakes to one another. I could not have been happier... When else to make a fresh start than on the day of your brother's wedding?

I told myself no more... i am going to try and get along with Kak Suffy. I want to be able to treat her like a big sister too.

Anyway, i saw them yesterday when i came back from tarian. For once in a long time, i was actually genuinely happy to see my brother. Usually it will be like 'oh normal... abang is home... abang kat keje'.... but i was real happy to see him and Kak Suffy. I don't believe i've ever talked to her like that before. Even if the both of them don't see any difference, but i do. And i'm glad that i feel this way now... alhamdulilah. Insyallah, the relationship between Kak Suffy and my family will strengthen in time.

Woah woah woah! Getting all emotional around here... hahaha! No lah...

AND AND AND!!! My graduation was yesterday! It felt so good to see old faces! I swear i have never hugged Ah Ger so much in my life! I was sooooooooooooooooo happy to see her! I just don't know why! Maybe i miss those bunch of chinese gals that always made me smile no matter what. Yaya, gaya, zahedah, liyana, mira wijaya, izzah (her again... hehehee), mama and cha cha... hahaha... classmates of 3 years huh... will not forget them... but the one person i really wanted to catch up with was Sean! I didn't get to talk to him much! But he did he liked my hair! Oh Sean! Hahahaa... Really miss all the random topics we used to talk about and how his personality would always be a reminder for me to take things easy.

Haish... will miss them a lot. Period.

I would also like to thank my loving dad for coming down. He paid for my photo, lunch sent me there and back and there again for tarian with no complaints!

Awwww my papa is the coolest! Well aren't all our fathers? :)

Anyway, take care guys! Will update very the soon k!

The usual and the not so usual

2008-05-07T14:32:00.002+08:00

My legs are aching now... both of them... i guess that is good isn't it? It means the muscles in there are slowly but surely loosening up... i just need more practice and rest and soon insyallah, i will be more flexible in dance...

I've been sleeping like seriously late... my bf lent me his PSP and i've been hooked ever since... playing FF7... yah i know... so old right! That game was like so 1997 liddat... but hey, reviews say that game is THE MASTERPIECE... but why not play it in its original form... and when original, i really mean those lego-like characters that was considered animation back then... its always funny to see their faces with eyes but no nose and mouth! But hey, nothing beats the storyline... its really cool ah...

It's difficult to be neutral person sometimes... like you have to ensure that they don't feel left out or anything... but at the same time, you don't want be around them all the time... haish... will update about this issue soon... will see what time tells us...

So i am in the same class with mira wijaya for Wheelock... another interesting thing... we shall see how this new class works out... textbooks 400 dollars over dok! Jgn main2... haish... seriously have to study hard... i wana do just as well or even better than my sister...

Let us all embrace life... please...

2008-04-27T22:55:00.002+08:00

For all who do not know, i got the job that i applied for... that is right people, as of now i am a Physical Play Trainer for Tumble Tots at Punggol Plaza... and yes again people you are right, it is literally situated at Punggol...

First of all, when i got the call i was like syukur alhamdulilah... i could not believe... simply couldn't... So yeah, today had been my second day on the job... and i can't help but feel a little pressurized... its like i wanna do well at something i spent 3 years studying... and it seems that those senior staff are better at it than i am... then again, they have had years of experience... i guess i have to learn to chill and learn things one step at a time... you can only do so much...

Oh yeah another update... last thursday i went for a scholarship interview that i got shortlisted for... yeah... another alhamdulilah case... it went okay... so insyallah, if its my rezeki... i hope to get it... it would so help lessen the financial aspect of my education... at first, i wasn't confident cause i found out that some of the B class people got shortlisted as well... how could i ever match up to them outgoing dudes right? But i suppose that is what the interview is for... to see how well you sell yourself... though they did ask me questions about my attachment at NTUC Childcare though... hahaha... i dunno what i said but i know that i have never praised the childcare that much in my life... hahaha...

So i've been pretty occupied with Xpdtari, Azpirasi, i think i can to terminate tuition already and now this job... but being involved in all this things... living life... it doesn't mean that this life you lead will last forever...

One of my dance instructor's wife just passed away today due to low blood pressure... once her heart stops beating, doctors cannot do anything to resuscitate her anymore...

Although i only knew this instructor of mine briefly and not even on a personal level (i.e. like i met his wife), i was still sad... as far as i knew, he only just got married to his wife like 2 years ago... and had a baby last year... and today, his better half has passed away...

I feel so... well like i said... sad...

I wish to become a better person, especially during Xpdtari practices... i do not wish to be the object of gossip anymore... i will be the bigger person and i will be the better teacher than i once was when i was still the head... i will try my best to tolerate whatever obstacles, even the person's attitude...

And i just failed cause i just spoke loudly to my father for wanting to air my shoes instead of keeping them immediately in the shoe rack... haish... i guess i still have a long way to go... but i am gonna get there... insyallah...

Tuhan must really love your wife. My condolences go out to you. I may not have been fond of you Abang Im... but you were alwys generally nice... I know things will be better for you in time to come, insyallah...

Osh Gosh B'gosh!

2008-04-14T23:12:00.002+08:00

I am feeling tired day after day... if i don't have to go to tarian at school, my attention is towards Azpirasi... and if its not that, i may have to deal with my family and boyfriend... honestly its mentally draining... i've had the worst couple of days ever...

In a way, i cannot wait to get the school production over and done with... i mean for me, having to deal with Azpirasi is more than enough... i still have yet to learn Afiq's dance and i think i have a real looooooooooooooooooong way to go to reach his expectations...

Actually i am not sure what to type... i just been to izzah and mira wijaya blog and they are like forever updating lah! hahaah! Like where do they get the energy to do it!!! It's crazy i swear...

Erm...

I would like to make it known in this entry that im thankful to have had the most understanding tarian babeh i could ever ask for... Fattanah... without her endless support and listening ear, i would have never gotten thru being the leader of Xpdtari...

And i also want to thank Azhar, the most compromising asst. head a leader could ever ask for...

Thank you guys both.

Will update when i actually have something to type.

I am judgemental or am i?

2008-03-24T11:57:00.003+08:00

With thanks to my FRINKS babe, Faz... i guess she is right...

I do have this tendency to judge one's personality from their appearance... actually it's more of...
if i don't like the face
or if the person don't know me that well
or i have a bad gut feeling about you and rumours i hear justifies that gut feeling

Then i definitely will not like you immediately.

Because i do not want to give you the satisfaction that everyone in this world likes you.

What a weird character i have huh

I am trying to adjust my ways... what can i say... my kind of person takes time. A lot of time... the longest i ever took to really accept the person was 2 years... or was it 3?

Maybe that it why i am perceived to be judgemental.

Aah heck it.

Weirdly Hungry...

2008-03-22T19:48:00.002+08:00

Yes people, i have already eaten rice with ayam kurma... snacked on some chocolate biscuits and cereal (without milk) and i still feel like stuffing something into my mouth... i just don't know what... And all this weird hunger is making me think a lot of thoughts... but just 1 in particular...

I want to know...

If you guys are aware that the job you have now is something you love to do and that the pay can never match up to those earning a 6 to 7 figure digit salaries, would you still feel as satisfied with what you do as like before you read my question?

What if you actually found a legitimate way to earn that amount of money, but even though it does not make you that entirely happy until you see some results, would you stop halfway to going back to previous job and risk being categorized as the 'ordinary people'... knowing you could have earned more if you stayed put and gave it a try?

Or would you like fuck it? To me, what i do makes me happy and so what if it doesn't earn that much. I do not know of anybody else who be as good in what i do...

What a complex thought right? Yeah i thought so... but it would be really good to hear some opinions... Because right now, this weird hunger just makes me think more...

Don't let chivalry be dead... please...

2008-03-20T00:20:00.003+08:00

Today while waiting for my boyfriend to collect something from his house, i chose to sit at a staircase near Bangkit LRT. On my way there, i saw this couple walking to somewhere lah... but whatever it is, the lady (most probably the wife) was walking faster from the guy... and the guy was like threatening her "Jangan sampai aku lempar"... but the lady just kept walking... and as i made my way to the staircase, i could still hear the guy threatening her...

So when i sat down at the staircase, i suddenly saw the guy chasing the girl down another flight of stairs not far from mine... and he actually was smacking her head and face ah... like the many other passer-bys, i could do nothing but watch... and the lady was like screaming "Sudah ah! Aku malu... malu!!!" as she was trying to fend off his abusive hands....

Eventually he walked away and she crossed the road to get to the opposite bus stop... After a few minutes the guy came back again asking for his wallet... he crossed the road and the lady gave him the wallet... and guess what? He began hitting her again... from her standing to her sitting down on the bus bench, screaming the same things again...

He did stop but by that time, i had to leave already...

The thing is i have no idea whether the lady was in the wrong herself... and who knows he had every right to hit her...

But i am sure about one thing. A man should never hit a woman. EVER. I actually cried when i saw that... and i cried hard.

Guys... please... take care of a lady's heart... please do not resort to hitting her... please...

Very the Proud

2008-03-01T19:40:00.002+08:00

That i am feeling right now ladies and gentlemen...

Hahaha... allow me to further elaborate my achievement that i erm... achieved this Saturday afternoon during lunchtime...

You see, for lunch my loving father prepared fried fish in kicap for his family. And i had a special request of not putting in one of the fish into the kicap because well, there was bawang in the lauk and i hate all this mini 'distractions' when eating.

So i ate the fish. I started from the middle. Then the bottom. Please do take note that with each sech i ate both sides of the fish. Okay, on with my story. And then the top part (not the head, the part below the head) and then believe or not i moved onto the head itself... i devoured the cheeks and sucked any fish there was on it...

But no my friends it does not stop there. I literally ripped (okay lah... opened) the fish head and took out its gills. And yeap, i ate them gills and it was so crunchy. So what's left to eat i wonder? And then i saw both of it. It was staring at me as i was staring at them.

Oh yes... the eyes of the fish.

I dug it out and put the entire eyeball in my mouth. Within my mouth, i sucked off all the fleshy stuff and all that was left of a white ball of... i don't know what...

But heck i tried eating it anyway! But it was too hard to be eaten anymore... i was like damn fish eyes are delicious yet tough to finish.

So by the time i was done, my plate was full of nothing but its bones.

Weirdly, i could not help but feel a sense of accomplishment.

Cool ah...

B.G.R

2008-02-27T15:14:00.002+08:00

You know, i've been reading other people's blogs... girls mainly... and for those who are attached, i mean they really like express how much fun they had with their boyfriends, just how much they love them, yada yada yada...

And in my mind... i don't know...

Their accounts of happy memories seem as if they wish to view their relationships through rose-tinted glasses and that's all that they wish people to ever see... the good side...

But i suppose that is not wrong is it? I mean if you are happy, you should share it with the world. Why be mean and angry just because others are having fun? But for me that is not the case... the thing is, there is actually an ugly side to relationships... and when that side shows, it completely drains you emotionally...

My kind of person is that once i've been through an experience that has a deep impact on my life, i always learn and never forget the lesson. However, it also changes my perspective of things and i tend to react to things differently...

So i did once used to share my happy memories in a blog. But now, i wish to let people know that relationships is all about being unhappy. The one constant test that the couple goes through is to continually find ways to reverse the unhappiness to preserve a good memory. If one of the 2 can no longer play his/her part in preserving the good memories for whatever reason, that is when a break-up comes in.

That's my opinion.

So to all couples out there still working at it and having good days... i wish you all the best and hope you continue your journey...

Auditioning for Tumble Tots Please!

2008-02-25T22:19:00.002+08:00

So alhamdulilah i got shortlisted for the position of physical play trainer for Tumble Tots... so audition was set at an ungodly hour of 10am on a Sunday at The Jelutung Community Centre in Sembawang... SEMBAWANG!!! I know like when my dad drove me up there, i was like this is by far to most unfamiliar and alien-nic place ever!!! I mean the atmosphere feels so... its like being in Malaysia!! It gives a totally weird vibe!

Anyway, no offense to Senbawang-ngers...

So the audition is not really like an interview at all... it was can say really fun... like how it should be when you applying for a position that revolves around young children... It consisted of action songs, experimenting with some of their equipment...

Worst of all...

They got us to try doing forward roll and backward roll... I tell you i have never, since childhood been able to do the forward roll... i am so scared of my head smashing into the floor... honestly... i did attempt it but it ended up kinda sideways... hahaha!

Niwae, i did get a little demoralised because i was scared that this may reduce my chances of getting the position...

But the whole experience itself was awesome!! I mean it was exactly like my IEP research project... Judging from what we did, i am really proud to say that we did a pretty damn good job for beginners at being practitioners of fitness for young children! There were warm-up, games, props and even cool down!! And you know what is the magic word to play the music...?

MUSIC PLEASE!! No joke! EXACTLY LIKE OURS!

Insyallah i hope both mama and i get the call back... insyallah...

People, irritating people... from family to the closest of friends... all truly testing the depths of my patience. I will learn to act normally. But know that i do not easily forget. I do not believe in being fake to anybody... ANYBODY.

Carpe Diem history & hello frustration

2008-02-16T00:20:00.002+08:00

Well today officially marks the end of my entire week of working 'full-time' as a relief teacher at Carpe Diem Skoolhouse. As of now, i just wait for the call... awaiting for them to ask me to fill in for a teacher on leave or on MC.

So today actually bothered to look forward to meeting him. Dressed up nicely. Tied up my hair the way he liked it. Watched his game. Waited patiently for him. Let me him go home, no need to send me. Let him do what he has to do over the weekend.

All i want was a night free from friends or whatever to have a simple phone conversation. No interruptions.

I tell him this many times. I just want some uninterrupted with you. No friends, no work, no nothing. Just to talk to you for awhile.

But as usual. One ear in, one ear out.

Makes me sad. He didn't even bother to pujuk.

I am so not going to give in to this one. Haish.

Should i or should i not send the resume to Ntuc-childcare?

Contemplating...

First Day @ Carpe Diem Skoolhouse

2008-02-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

Haha... yeah i have a seriously part-time job... and when i mean part-time, i mean part-time... job title is RELIEF TEACHER. So when other centre teachers take leave, that's when i come in to replace them... so this entire week i am covering for a chinese teacher who went to China for holiday... and after this week, i doubt there will be any teachers being absent from work soon... pretty much leaving me just as jobless... hahaha... oh well...

How was work?

It was just like a replay of our 3rd year field practicum... I am assigned to N1 class again... a bit jarring but you know the experience really comes in handy... And naturally kids don't exactly warm up to you on the first day... and naturally i was quiet and did not really exercise any authority stuff because you know, i am after all just the relief teacher...

But it was both fun, geli-geli, surprising, sleepish and challenging day.

All in the life of a childcare teacher. I would feel better if i had worked there everyday... you know experience is key in this field. But you know, i am already gaining experience and i should be resting during my HOLIDAY. But we need the monies yah!

You guys should try making Pineapple Fried Rice! It's a fantastic combination!

I miss dancing. Period.

Sleepy kind of bored

2008-02-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

Hurray we have no more school! Yay! Celebration... whooo hooo! Cycling at East Coast... Luncheon at Princess Jasmine's house...

And then...

Bored at home.

Hahaha... i tell you these 'fun' times just pass you by. At the end of acquiring your dream job and husband and life that you wana have, you will find yourself sitting down and asking yourself, "Gosh is this all there is to life?" I mean yeah, we have our religious stuff as well.

But think about it now you are thinking of getting a part-time job... and soon you will be trying to hard to get that full-time career... and then your are married... and then you have kids... and then these kids suddenly have to take their O Levels... and soon, your daughter's boyfriend is asking for her hand in marriage... and then they get married and have their own house... and then there is just you and your husband waiting for your time...

Hmmm... come to think of it... i would hope to live long enough to see through those moments of life. I do want to say that i am not afraid of dying. But the thing is... i am. I am not religiously prepared and i do try. But its always easier said than done. Well never say die i guess... just try try try...

Gosh i miss dancing. I just hope this combined practices do not entirely ruin the true essence of dancing itself. Sure you can joke, laugh and enjoy... but at a certain point, you need to stay focused and do things properly. Only then, can i feel confident enough that the dancers are at least technically ready for performance. Only then can i let go.

Like how can you truly enjoy dancing when you yourself haven't memorised the steps? Ignorance isn't always bliss, especially when performing. You make an obvious mistake and people will obviously notice.

So that is my standpoint. Screw those "oh-we-are-so-close-with-one-another-and-MCC-rules" newbies. And i am not referring to all... there are a few good soldiers out there. But still, walk the talk sweetheart... don't talk and talk and talk only.

Sister is back and i simply love catching up with her. Will definitely dread the days when we actually get into heated arguements... but she is still the coolest sister ever and i know she will find someone who can actually make her happy unlike some undeserving blokes like Fairuz... oopps! Did i say his name out loud? Oh well how ignorant of me... my mistake for following his way of dealing with problems...

PS: Juno is an awesome movie!

God when is he going to leave!!!

2008-01-31T18:59:00.001+08:00

I really really really really really want him to get married already and move out of the damn house!!!! Everytime i see him at home, he messes up the damn place... defeating the netire purpose of cleaning the house in the first place. Tell him, don't download any more things... dun surf those websites... as our anti-virus is not updated... he downloads a SEARCH ENGINE some more! Now he is taking my earphones, which i paid for with my own DAMN money and can still campak them in front of me like its such a burden to return them to me!

Hello! I can change the bloody password anytime so that you won't have a computer life at all! Anytime okay! I so do not care if you break other things... as long as you don't destroy my laptop! Fucking hell... i really want him to get out!

I have never wanted him to get married so badly. And god i really can't wait to see him live in another home doing all this shit... let us really see if he can survive...

Ugh! Can the month of May be like tomorrow! I want him to get out!!! NOW!!!

Maybe i am not meant to be a leader

2008-01-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

I do not want to do it anymore.

I will let others do their job.

It's not worth this sadness.

Yes there are better people out there, who can be natural leaders.

I... have nothing else to say...

I am going to leave this leadership crap to some other person.

Always remember...

2008-01-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, we just want to snap at our parents. Scream at the top of our voices. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Or that you just want to defy them, knowing that it makes them angrier. Coming home late, not answering their calls or choosing not to talk to them. When they don't give you what you want, sometimes you just want to throw tantrums regardless of how old you are.

Or whatever bad thought you have ever come up with about your parents.

Always remember...

That mother who nags at you so much... who just won't give you space... who can't shut up during a football match... who can be so unreasonable sometimes... who doesn't let you go out with your friends...

That mother spent hours giving birth to you and you'd better believe that it hurts like shit. That mother gets so worried when you don't come home at night, for fear of any harm that might come to her children; rape, car accident... you name it. She cooks for you too, making sure you never go hungry.

And how about your father. The one that makes you change your clothes when he thinks its too revealing. The one who scolds you for no reason when he tag teams with mom. The one who you think does not give you any chance to speak.

That father works hard day in and day out to ensure you have a house to come home to. He sleeps in front of the tv because he is tired from work and jokes with you whenever he can.

These are just a few scenarios. I am sure there are plenty more.

You never know when the person you love may just pass away. Always remember the good times and forget the bad.

For my IEP Group

2008-01-17T20:23:00.000+08:00

Hey guys i know this is way overdue... but here are the photos i took the other day. Hope it will be of some use to you.

A Realization

2008-01-17T19:56:00.000+08:00

I just just looked through one of the committee's friendster profiles... and it showed some pictures from our most recent MCC Com Outing... that time we went bowling and then lunch... however i only showed up for the bowling but i clearly remember taking photos with them... one of them was missing and showed up at the end of the bowling... by then i had to go home dy...

So which photo do you think this member would display... grp photos when i was around... or grp photos when i have already left...

If your guess was scenario 2, you are absolutely right! There were 2 photos in fact. And you know what the captions were?

"NP MCC main committee 07/08" and "they define FUN"

I am fully aware that i am not always buddy-buddy-ing in the clubhouse or that i have not been showing up for meetings recently (2 as a matter of fact) or that i don't speak your Malay language all the time...

But reading those captions and not even seeing my face in them...

Really stings my heart. Its like i didn't even bother to show up that day when i did.

Is it jealousy? Hell no...

More of regret.

I could have slept longer that day. But for the sake of the committee, i show up.

Clearly, i am not an important aspect as i have not always been.

But its okay. At least i choose to be immerse myself in true friendships and not only being nicey-nicey to each other on the surface.

I am happy where i am.

So pointless...

2008-01-09T16:19:00.001+08:00

Like what is the point of having computers in the academic part of the library and having USB ports but not being able to connect our USB storage device nor can we temporarily save our work on their desktop. So what are our library computers for?

Friendster, checking of MEL, email, watch you tube, play online games...

When want to do work, the damn computer doesn't work...

And the only computers that can read my USB device is in the lifestyle library... but everybody is too busy watching movies and viewing friendster profiles too... so really, is the library a place where work can be done...

Maybe on the technology side... NOT.

So dumb.

And pointless.

By the way, i am starting to get sore throat... ugh... stress... the workload is piling... yeesh... and i tried re-acquainting with an old friend... turns out she is still caught up in her principles to layan me... whatever... Allah just opens my eyes to who my true friends are...

True in a sense that i know they won't lie, backstab and understand me for who i am. It doesn't have to be my best friend. Just someone who i can count on. Someone who doesn't hold 10,000 year old grudges over small issues. You know, things like that...

Oh well... the sister is coming home soon and i've yet to clear the stuff from her bed... i will get to it... just not this week... i come home knowing that later in the night there is something to do... it sucks really... no time to watch television... and sleeping in the comfort of my bed when i am feeling carefree... NOT STRESSED...

Here's another personality test:

Who's Your Casanova?

My Result: Legendary Lover

Who can resist disarming good looks and gallant charm? Clearly not many — including you! Sweet and romantic, you like a guy who isn't afraid to express himself. And if he likes to pull out all the stops, even better!

Whether he opens doors, reads poetry, or showers you with compliments, your Casanova will enjoy the softer side of the romance dance. You're a lover, not a fighter, after all. And you're also willing to put yourself out there and go for what you want. That's legendary!

Take this test >

Later...

Take It One Step at a Time

2008-01-07T21:48:00.000+08:00

No mira wijaya... the title of my entry is not inspired by the New Kids on the Block video... though the song is stuck on my mind now... no thanks to you!

Honestly, this month is really crunch time... and i mean as crispy as Coco Crunch... its just so... i don't know... every week there is something to do... if you find yourself sitting in front of the television set actually able to watch more than half an hour of programmes, that means you are asking for trouble dudes... seriously...

So i decided that each time i am stuck at this computer screen... i will do a personality test just for fun... to ensure that i am not all work and no play... even for 5 minutes...

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are Jasmine. You are loyal and would visit the ends of the earth for what you believe. You would never let obstacles stand in the way of true love.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Woah... izzah dun get angry k!!! Hahaha! Its the truth!!! :)

I love The Producers!!!

2008-01-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

Recently on HBO, i have been watching this movie many times and i can never get sick of it... if you are the kind of person who appreciates good humour and singing and dancing actors, then this is the show for you... Its just so enjoyable to watch!!! And Matthew Broderick is so boysish-ly handsome! Sarah Jessica Parker is super lucky to have him as a husband and the father of her children!!! And Uma Thurman! My oh my is she tall and beautiful... And Will Ferrell is so good at playing such funny characters! Hands down, one of the most entertaining movies! Below are a few songs that i simply love the most in the movie... Enjoy!!

That Face by Matthew Broderick & Uma Thurman

Der Guten Tag Hop Clop by Will Ferrell

What a holiday

2007-12-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

I lost my damn wallet and keys...

Had to deal with an unable-to-control-emotions-especially-with-family brother and other unsupporting people who made me feel like shit...

Had money issues, especially in terms of transport...

Overwhemling stress especially with Piala Khatulistiwa...

Really got to see how certain people are in nature...

Cried when i heard my mom's voice on the phone...

Missed them...

Feel fat eating non-stop at home...

Hate assignments over the holidays... especially when other students do not seem to have anything to worry about...

Having fair dosage of b-g-r moments (the bad ones)

Already made a new EZ-Link card and POSB atm card...

Doing AMPYC now... dying really...

I got accepted into Wheelock college... hopefully i can carry on the legacy of degree holder like my sister has...

Im spent...

Forgive My Long Absence

2007-12-03T23:44:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulilah... i am happy to report, in terms of friend issues i am doing okay. Hahaha... in terms of stress management, let's just say i am truly blessed to have very funny people around me... I am missing my Sabah days... the late night chat with Norman... how the chinese guys made me laugh... the cool winds... the children... kicking Charlane of the bunk bed and giving her a bruise...

Moments to remember...

Okay... will type more on other days...

Ignorance is Bliss huh?

2007-11-18T12:31:00.000+08:00

If you have decided to choose that path until the end of this semester and maybe for as long as you live, then i will respect that.

But the thing is, i do not want that to happen between us.

We have a friendship. I like you and i trust you. We confide in each other. We joke and know some of each other's quirks and habits.

That day, i asked you because i am the kind of person who confronts the individual perosnally to find out their side of the story. I sumpah demi Allah my intentions was to never accuse you, but to unravel the truth. To ensure that not some random person is making up stories about you behind your back.

That day, you tried calling me to rectify the problem and i truly apologise for not picking up the phone. The 1st 2 times i was listening to my mp3. The 3rd time i was too emotional by our messages that i was in no state to talk to practically anybody on the phone. Your call was not the only one i rejected.

What i couldn't understand that day was...

Why couldn't you just tell me the answer to my question. It didn't have to come in a form of a long story. I just needed to know. I would have believed anything you said because I KNOW you are not any random liars that i have known in my past.

You are my friend. The coolest, most interesting friend i ever known to date.

So why was it so difficult for you to trust me enough to give me an answer? Are we not as good friends as i thought we are? Do you really think that i am capable of doing such back-stabbing things you?

That is why i cried. I cried so hard. I did not want to make things complicated. I did not want to aggrevate you. I did not want you to ignore me after this incident.

I just wanted some clarification fom you, not from others. Because only you can tell me the truth, as you always have.

Whatever it is, although i know it is difiicult to accept, i am sorry.

You may continue one with your life as you have planned. I do miss you. Good luck.

Syukur Alhamdulilah

2007-11-15T13:04:00.000+08:00

BEFORE i checked my NPal just a few minutes ago for my NAPFA results, i was like thinking... oh well... if they took me seriously, i should be receiving some shit... if i didn't, well i guess i'm not as fit as what Singapore wants me to be at my age but personally, i think i did alright...

Student ID: 10026946A

Name:NUR AMIRAH BTE KAMIL

NRIC: S8841964B
Test Date: 12/11/07

Test Time: 4:00 PM

Status: Participated
Total Points: 14

Award: BRONZE

Alhamdulilah... they took me seriously. I'm glad that the aches and cramps in my stomach and legs were not for nothing... i am truly glad...

Thank you Yaya and to you too Bli-yana Guh for helping me deal with the injustice that day...

There is nothing I can do

2007-11-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

They said, if you hear your checker say 1 more round, it means you run your last round and make a dash for the end.

I heard my one more round.

I dashed.

But when i passed my checker again, i heard "Okay last round"

Imagine my disbelief.

Due to that, i failed.

I could have gotten 16++ minutes for my 2.4km NAPFA test.

But because of an extra round, i will get a default of 18 minutes.

7 rounds, and extra effort into ensuring i got at least 1 point at each station.

Only to most probably receive "Participant in NAPFA" in my certificate.

I did bring it up.

Their response? We will let the NAPFA whatever know. Meanwhile, you await your results.

Do you really think they would bother to do shit?

It is so unjustified.

It's just life. If anything, it taught me a lesson.

Never depend on anybody else for a test you are sitting for.

And for your information, i KNOW there was 1 round whereby he wasn't looking. He was talking to his friend. and that's why i probably had to run 7 rounds instead of 6.

I know, i shouldn't think about it too much.

But everything is easier for the person who has already passed, isn't it.

What can you do? What can anybody do?

I'm sorry if anybody is affected by this entry.

I just have to let it out somewhere. I just have to...

I ate a Merlionster!!!

2007-11-11T13:27:00.000+08:00

Wakakakaa! What is a Merlionster you say? Well it is only the latest promotion on the Ben and Jerry's menu of their ever so sinfully sweet ice-cream...

Picture this...

6 scoops of ice-cream
1 Banana
1 Brownie
2 Different toppings

Does this come to your mind?(Fatty Amira sold separately)

Yah well, had a blast with Mira Wijaya... at Vivocity... on a SATURDAY NIGHT!!! Never in my wildest dreams i would have believed that it was possible with this girl... But i'm glad we did it fatty!!! So what if you won many rounds of scissors, paper, stone and i had to end up finishing up most of the ice-cream WITHOUT WATER...

It still does not change the fate that you will suffer when i creep into your dreams and SCRAPE OFF THAT DOT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FOREHEAD! You watch out, you hear...

Hehhehe... a good Saturday evening well spent... Muackz! Sayang fatty!

I'm bored

2007-11-08T02:32:00.001+08:00

Yeap... when i read the annoucement for the upcoming meeting and what i have to prepare beforehand... i just turn off... i mean... i truly madly deeply had no idea i had to do so much crap within like a week... it may seem little if i had records of it... which i do... but hey... assumption runs high in this committee... so maybe this stuff that i am supposed to do is not a lot of work you know...

I am so not into doing my part. It's just like my EXCO days when i was a prefect in secondary school... you do so much crap only to eventually realize that whatever you are doing does not benefit you in the organization one bit... you find that you are giving free labour and not attaining any sort of recognition for it... yeap, same thing with the committee i am in... you would think that they are the most understanding... well to a certain extent they have been understanding... and that extent does not even go far...

I apologise if you are totally confused by what i am typing now...

A friend of mine once asked... is this blog of mine to let out my anger?

This blog [BY RIGHT] is only known to a certain trusted few... different days, different entries... not everything you document about your life is a joyous one...

I am so turned off by that email i received about what i have to do before the meeting.

Ah fuck it.

I am officially 19

2007-11-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah big deal... everybody else is 19 already... it took me this long to reach this age... so sad... Well whatever to you people with these thoughts in your head!!! Nothing can sway my happiness that i have reached this stage in my life... Alhamdulilah... Insyallah, i shall liv to my 20th birthday next 5th of November...

To Muhd. Suffian Bin Abdul Halet,

Its been 2 years bie... and going for another year... Love you...

My Sabah Memories

2007-10-28T10:10:00.000+08:00

Hey guys... since i couldn't display ALL my photos of Sabah here... why not you take a look of the video the IE group there made for us. Keep a lookout for me!!! Happy Watching!

Part 1

Part 2

RESPECT MY DAMN CHOICES WILL YOU

2007-10-21T21:07:00.001+08:00

Yeah i am sick and tired of this! I mean every single, once in long lifetime of MANY MANY MONTHS i get enough money to get the things i want; things i have been wishing for since the beginning of the damn year... i know i know i must save money and all... and do you not think i have thought of that... yes i suffer the consequences later but can you not make me feel SHITTY ABOUT WHAT I HAVE ALREADY DONE?! F**K!

I want to cry... nobody in this house is making me feel good anymore... yeah sure rub it in while you are angry huh... comment about EVERYTHING won't you from how i spend my money to what my boyfriend should be doing next time when he comes over... it's okay... who cares if i have low self esteem when you talk like that...

And you, always supporting every damn thing she says and of course whatever i say to back myself up naturally means blah blah blah to you... well the 2 of you are cetainly a match made in heaven... i am so blessed...

I have never been more angry in my entire life...

F**k everybody.

Proud Auntie

2007-10-17T19:33:00.000+08:00

Hey guys... i can now be referred to as Auntie Mirah!! My cousin was pregnant apparently for the last 9 months and has already given birth too. And i found out only on the last day of hari raya... i couldn't be more in awe of my newborn nephew...

And the best part of it all was watching my mother holding him. You guys should seriously watch out the look in your mother's eyes when they carry a newborn baby... i could just see the love in my mother's eyes... like a more softer, gentle side of her just took over... And i could just imagine the same look in her eyes when she was holding me when i was a baby... All the doa she read for me... kissing my forehead because that's her favourite area to take in the smell of a baby... at that moment, i just knew i would do anything to make her hard work and effort into raising me worthwhile...

Anyway, emotions aside... here are some pictures of my nephew, Muhammad Danish Syazwan...

I don't know how to enjoy?

2007-10-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

Well that's what my boyfriend said... i mean is it viewed that way? For example, we want to play a game of pool. But i kind of don't want to play with him because he is better than me. I have not even mastered the basics of the game. So tell me how am i supposed to enjoy pool, which is we are paying for at max $10 an hour, when i do not know how to play pool? I would rather play with someone who is as inexperienced as me, that way at least i wouldn't feel sucky about myself you know...

But does that label me as competitive? Unable to enjoy the aspect of enjoying because it's just a game? All i want is to be at least okay at it to enjoy it you know...

The same as tarian... lately with all these practices with some members of Aspirasi, i can't help but feel sucky about my steps... because the way they do it makes yours look like shit really... well makes mine anyway... am i once again thinking too much into it? I mean everybody has to learn somewhere right but aren't i slowing them down in the process? Oh man... headache!

I'm a sad being really... i may look as if i carry so much confidence but i don't really... where is kakak when you need her... she's one who truly believes in my ability... i could use some encouragement from her right now... because right now, i ain't feeling too good about myself...

Tuitioning is a Bitch!

2007-10-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

Seriously. It is... especially when the kids just don't give a shit. I mean, i can go my own way and just teach whatever is necessary for the moment. They can choose to listen and throw tantrums... i get my money at the end of the day... whether your children pass or not, i have done my part. What i was paid to do. Because my advice doesn't seem to get through right...

But you know what? My mother gives me a totally new perspective on this. Parents pay us for a service. A service that should gurantee some sort of result. And mothers being mothers are always right. My views is kind of heck-care view.

I don't even know why i am bloggin about this man! I am just... so pissed sometimes...

Oh yeah... been watching movies online... thanksey Fazzy and Izzy babeh... you guys have given me a new light you know! How to save your money and catch the latest shows at the same time. hmmm... im bored...

This is How We Do!

2007-10-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

You know what, no matter what the difficulties certain members put me through... i still do love tarian... Below are just some pictures of what happens during practices...

I do not know why... ever since i got hold of the camera, i seem to pounce on every oppotunity to take some pictures... more will soon be shown here on this blog... till then, PEACE!

Comparisons

2007-10-01T10:38:00.000+08:00

Yah so last Saturday, we had to organize a Children's Day party from Touch whatever services... and let me tell you the children there SUCKED. I mean, on our part, organisation wise was not good. We did not give a proper introduction... no transition to the next activity... so whatever we did was just shoved to the children just like that...

The children there were mostly primary school... thank god... perfect for me to make comparisons because i only taught the primay school children in Sabah... when i tried to put my arm over their shoulder (you know try and make friends)... they don't want lah... think i want to tickle them lah... When playing games, some girls mati-mati tak nak separate with their friends... there was this one girl who even ran behind a tree and cried... I saw my friends and Ms Auyong's effort to get the stubborn girls to play were useless... if they don't want to play, then don't play... to me, by trying to coax them means that you are giving them the attention they wanted all this while... But one of my friends say, i know how she feels... i was once like that... alah, spare me okay... They are just looking for ATTENTION...

Then that stupid girl who was crying had to have her mummy play dog and bone with her... unfortunately, i shared the same number... so when i came out, the mother blocked my my way; not letting me go through... so her daughter can take the bottle and run away lah right... i tapped the mother to that my team can win the point... you know what the mother said? I'm not in the game, she is playing! Not me! I was like What the f**k! Then why the f**k are you blocking my way if you are not in the f**king game?! But it managed to get that dumb girl to participate, so whatever... stupid cina prick...

The boys there like to act smart... one even tried to use an Indian accent while looking straight at me... i told that boy why you looking at me, i'm not Indian... his reply? I did not say you Indian what... Cina prick... you think i'm stupid? I grew up having comments like that from kids like you... Once again, Singaporean children have successfully made me feel shitty about myself..

Just watching these kids really made me miss the ones at Togudon... the primary school children... give them something to learn and they will do it... no questions asked... they wouldn't try and act smart with you... they never say things to make you feel like shit... they are so supporting... i really felt we should have played the games we played with the idiotic Touch kids to them... They are more deserving... truly more deserving...

Haish... Singaporean children just do not know how fortunate they are... sad sad sad...

Habits & Sabah

2007-09-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

Most of the time, habits are difficult to change, especially when they are your own... for example, when i was in Kampong Togudon, i had icy cold showers non-stop. and i got so used to it that now in Singapore, i don't even have to change to hot water... the cold water here isn't even cold anymore... to me, its okay... nothing compared to what i went through for that 1 week... hehehe...

But sometimes, habits are uncontrollable... actions such as throwing things, thrashing everything around you and being extremely rude when you are throwing a tantrum are certain examples... If you are guilty of owning at least 1 uncontrollable habit, do something please. Don't give the excuse that "Oh, that is just the way I am"... If you continue following that path, then you will end up miserable or disliked by others, trust me... I've been down that road...

In my previous entry, you saw a few pictures of the people i hung out with down there... now i shall show some pictures of the living conditions during my 1 week stay in Kampong Togudon...

1st pic: Overview Of Kg. Togudoun Resthouse and Kindergarten

2nd pic: Resthouse

3rd pic: Up above where some villagers stay

4th pic: Toilet

5th pic: My room

6th pic: View from my room

7th pic: Multi-purpose area

New Look

2007-09-27T12:19:00.000+08:00

Yup yup... after yesterday tarian practice at Yew Tee CC, me, Idah & Illya sat down to lepak for a while... Slurping on Big Gulp and Coke Slurpee, we suddenly got to talking about blogs for the moment and Illya mentioned my Harima Lemac... she definitely noticed the fact that what Lemac was the other way around... seriously people that was a mistake lah... i mean Kamil the other way around is Limak... like Limau can... so i thought Lemac sounded cooler... but it backfired on me of course... so cheers to the new blog!!!

Honestly, i'm feeling kind of sucky... you know when you are surrounded by good dancers, all you can do is to look at them in awe and... well for my case, feel sucky about your own abilities... I do... ever since i got back from Sabah, i feel that i have not been able to dance to my fullest potential... could be either due to my back problem OR when i see Aspirasi in motion... I just feeel suuuper sucky... haish...

I kind of miss Sabah you know... it was free & natural air con everyday... its so cooling... and i do miss the icy-cold showers!!! REFRESHING! You can never get this experience anywhere else... believe it or not, i miss the damn slope i had to climb for 4 consecutive days!!! Even though it so tested my stamina, i miss it... I also miss the company of the people i hung out with.... Charlane, Jasmine, Aerospace Gals & the Brotherhood!!! All the enjoyable moments we shared...

Thanks for the memories guys... My days in Sabah would not have been as fun without you...